Turning Pages (Niall Fanfic)

Chapter Fifty-One

Danielle’s POV:

Cat and I browsed through shades of brown and red while I sipped on my coffee and she chatted with Zayn on her cell phone. I wanted to change up Eleanor’s foyer, but I wasn’t sure she was up for it. I figured I would just take back a few paint samples and examples of what I had in mind, and then bring it up to her. I also knew that if I brought some sort of baked good, she would have a very hard time saying no.

Cat’s lip and jaw now shown only hints of bruising and she was able to drink out of a straw without furrowing her eyebrows. She giggled and rolled her eyes while she was on the phone, and she looked even happier and stronger than the first night I met her.

She eventually returned to me and helped me pick between colors and then we left for the market.

The actual date for Thanksgiving was coming around the corner and I had a huge meal planned for Niall. I knew that no one here really cared about Thanksgiving, but that wasn’t stopping me. The isles looked the same except for the tacky autumn decorations and pumpkins which lined random shelves and hid in corners.

I filled my cart with festive napkins and pumpkin scented candles; along with the ingredients that cooked a traditional Thanksgiving meal. I had a long hand-written list in one hand while I strolled through the store with my cart.

I felt my phone vibrate and I snatched it from my back pocket. My phone knew the number as unknown, but I knew it all too well.

I took a deep breath and brought it to my ear. “Hello?” I began.

“Yes, Danielle?” I heard my mother ask.

“It’s me, Anne.” She hated when I used her first name. It rolled off my tongue before I could even stop it.

“Hmph. Alright. Well, I’m just now getting back to you. I think it would be fine if you visited for Christmas. You can stay in your old room while your boyfriend sleeps on the couch. Call me when you’re leaving the airport there, and call me when you’ve landed.” I stared at the bread in front of me.

“We don’t need to be picked – “

“Oh, I insist.” She interrupted.

I paused. “See you then.”

“Happy Thanksgiving.”

-

I piled the bags from the market in the pantry of Niall’s apartment after I coaxed Eleanor into letting us redecorate her foyer. Her bump was now more than noticeable and I wasn’t sure if Louis was ignoring it, or just plain ignorant.

Cat had other plans for the night and Niall would be gone as usual. Well, I guessed it’s not as usual. He’d been gone a lot lately. A lot. It has just been me and his apartment for the last couple of weeks. We’d catch up at inconvenient times and try to make up for the loss by early morning sex. I mean, I wasn’t really into having sex all the time, but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t think he did either.

I texted him and explained my conversation with my mother. He replied an hour later saying that he was sorry he was going to be getting home late and that he was happy that I was doing this for him. He was sweet. He really was. But I watched myself toss my phone onto the couch and roll my eyes. He needs to be here.

I put my hair up and stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked sad and a frown sculpted my lips. I told myself to not be mad at him. It’s not his fault.

I sat on the couch and pulled a blanket over my legs. I found the remote and turned the television on. I watched some reality show but it didn’t keep my attention. I flipped through endless channels and eventually found a cooking show with a woman who looked far too happy. Her voice was high and the only adjective she used to describe the food was beautiful. I sighed loudly and prayed that fifteen more minutes would speed up because I wanted to watch a different chef. I also wanted to hear someone with a wider vocabulary.

-

I eventually turned off the television after hours of endless cooking shows. I searched through the top drawer of Niall’s dresser and found a pair of headphones. I went back out to the couch and stared at the ceiling while I listened to music. I felt like a lonely teenager again.

It was late but it was also early. A turned all the lights off in the house except for the bulb above the stove. I was still curled up on the couch with all my favorite songs when Niall tiptoed through the door.

He tried to drop his black backpack and take off his shoes without making a sound. He succeeded until he tripped over the rug and swore. He saw me watching him and walked towards the couch. He sat down and sighed. I turned over onto my back and put my feet on his lap. “Heya, you’re up.” He mumbled. I paused my music and sat up. I crossed my arms and bit at my bottom lip. “What’s up? Why’re ya actin’ t’is way?” Niall whispered. I was silent and kept my eyes on the wall behind him. I brought my hands to my lap and stood up.

He tugged on my leg to try to catch my attention but I shrugged him off. He followed me to his bedroom and pleaded with me while I walked back and forth changing clothes and taking off my makeup. “Look, Danielle, I’m sorry f’r what I did. Just forgive me. I should be better; I know I can be better. Don’t be mad. Please. I brought home donuts. I – “

“You don’t even know what I’m upset about, do you?” I interrupted. He stopped in his tracks with his eyes wide while I closed the distance between us. I glared up at him and felt my face get hot.

“No.” He admitted. He was silent. I knew he was waiting for my explanation. I rolled my eyes but it was at myself and not directed towards him.

“I miss you.” I blurted. I felt emotion boiling up from deep down and bubbling out my mouth. “I miss you and I need you and you’re not here. I tell myself to not be mad at you because you’re doing the right thing. You are doing the right thing. But I can’t help myself. I get angry because you’re not here and I miss you…” I continued. “I’ve said hello to Cat more than I have to you in the past month. I miss you and you’re not here! I need you and you’re not here!” I felt myself inching closer to him; a finger pointed at his face. “You’re not here and I miss you!” God, I couldn’t stop saying those words. “I miss you and you’re not here!” I shouted.

I was finally making eye contact with him but now he was trying to look anywhere else but me. A part of me regretted the words that I had just spat at him, but another part didn’t. I needed to voice what I was feeling and get the emotions out.

We both stood silent while I looked up at him. I waited for him to say something. We were standing for what felt like forever. “Okay.” He breathed. I watched his chest rise and fall while sweat gathered around his forehead. The bathroom light lit up half of his face while the other half was in a shadow. I couldn’t tell what he was feeling or even thinking. I was usually so good at it. But at that moment, I felt vulnerable and weak. I usually had the upper hand when it came to reading him. I was in the dark.