My Love

34. Never Let Go

Alexandra's POV 🌴:

  I got what I wanted which was to stop hurting Hayden, but now I'm hurting.

***

  Couple days before break up...

  "I need you to do me a favor Arlene" I said. She said "Anything best friend" she said and then laughed. "I need you to help me leave my boyfriend. I haven't told you this yet, but I have a cardiovascular heart disease, and I'm getting worse. I don't know how much longer I have and I don't want to hurt Hayden when I go, so I'm leaving from now.

  "That was a lot to process, but why don't you tell him how you feel?" she said as she bit into something crunchy.

  "Will you do me the favor?" There was a long pause and then she said yes. "Well Charmaine and I have been planning to go to the bar after tests in a couple days and sit next to him. Fall on him and I'll walk up...You know the rest" I said to her as she crunched food.

  "Why don't you just get it cured?  I know it's cureable."

  "I don't have enough money for all the survey and I would go in debt if I lived. I would leave Hayden in debt even though he's rich and would be fine. I don't want to put my troubles on him do you understand?"

  Arlene wasn't paying attention to me she was busy eating and crunching in my ear.

  "Can you do me the favor or not?"

  "I'll do it" Arlene replied.

***

  That was the story. I know I shouldn't have done that.

  It was a mistake I hurt him more than I meant to, but I'm not going to change my mind because I don't want to make his life a problem with my sickness.

  I haven't talk to him in days now and I feel horrible thinking back to what I had done.

  We've been through so much, but there is nothing we can do about it now.

  The first day I met him I didn't think we were going to get to this point together. It's like you never know you're going to fall in love after it hits you.

  It feels great when you finally find that person, but then something happens and something you thought would last forever comes to an end. I pity the people who are going to last. No one gets a happy ending and that's why this world is mad.

  People say there is love all over the world you just have to find it or it will come to you when the time is right. I believe that is bullshit, they are all lies.

  Happy endings don't come true love doesn't exist it's fictional.

  Every one ends up leaving you sooner or later, and I knew that I just forgot what I stood for. I let Hayden take me over, now I've lost and my heart feels as if it is broken into two.

  Is this what love leaves you like? With that empty feeling you just can't possible get rid of?

  It's been a week since I haven't went to school, but I have to today because I have my finals, and then I truly won't have to be anywhere near him. We can finally be finished and I can just die.

  I haven't told Charmaine anything about what happened between me and Hayden.

  That night I was feeling empty inside like I had lost all I had been dreaming of since I met the guy that made me feel.
 
  I know it's a cliche to say this, but he had changed me. He has given me the chance and love, and I wasn't even strong enough to take that chance. Should I have stayed?

  This same thought stayed in my mind and I couldn't get it out. Would I have been ok? Would I be cured? Would we start a family? Would I die anyway?

  Just as my brain was clustered with these thoughts there was a knock at the door. 

  I knew it was Charmaine because she was pestering me about what had happened, but I wasn't ready to tell her.

  I just couldn't face the truth. I couldn't and I didn't want to say the truth. I just wanted to never speak of this again. I felt as if my whole world just crumbled into a million pieces. As I was about to shed a tear and bury my face in the pillow. Charmaine barged into the guest room, and I jumped up in the bed.

  "You are going to tell me right now. What happened between you and Hayden? Justis tried calling him and he's not answering. He always answers his phone or calls back after a little while, but he hasn't for days. Justis said he's seen him in school, yet he won't talk to him. Whatever happened between you two you better fix it because you've been acting the same way!" Charmaine said as she yelled at me in anger.

  "Charmaine..."

***

  "So you plotted this whole thing?"

  "Yes" I said ashamed.

  "I feel empty inside Charmaine. I've never felt this way about anything not even when dad died. What is happening to me?" I yelped out panicking.

  Charmaine took a while to answer looking down and then making eye contact as she said "i know I'm going to regret saying this and it's going to sound really corny but... It's name is love. Get used to it, and just so you know it's gonna hurt like a bitch, but it's going to be worth it. When you have it it's the most precious thing don't let go of it. It's rare and everybody hopes for it. Everybody strives for it to even be within grasps of it is the most greatest thing. Hold onto it and never let go."

  "What do you..." Charmaine interrupted me as she said "I have to go to my classes see ya later alligator."

  I smiled at her, she slowly began to walk out the door closing it behind her leaving me in my sorrow thinking about the kind words she had left for me.

  Never let go...

I'm sorry for the fans who've been waiting for a chapter. I've been really busy with school and track. I'm still going to vw busy, but I at least wanted to give you guys a chapter before I head to bed.

Just know that there are more chapters to come this weekend hope you enjoyed it! Tell me what you think about what has been happening so far in the comments. Until next time 💙's.

Love,
Kaylia 💋