My Love

37. Not Forever

Hayden's POV 🌴:

4 weeks later...

I haven't seen A in about a month.

Aria came to me earlier this morning and showed me her pregnancy test. She was in fact pregnant.

I can't be with A now not after this I have to be with her and take care of my child. I'm pretty sure A wouldn't want to be with me either. She's probably going to hate me for the rest of her life.

I always imagined me and A walking down the aisle with our little girl being the flower girl. My little man being the ring bearer and I guess that was all a thought huh?

Nothing ever comes out the way you want it to.

You always wish for something to happen, but it never does. You get your hopes up and people let you down. It's like something out there is drawing you away from something you want the most.

You know you want what is in front of you, yet it always seems to sleep through your fingers and push farther away from you.

Does love always have to hurt?

I miss her so much that I don't even know how to contain myself. I never cried over anyone but her. Not even Aria when she broke my heart. My dad used to say a man is not a man if he lets out tears.

Why was I even thinking about him? He was never a father to me. I needed to clear my head, so I went to the best place possible.

***

I went to the ocean. I walked along it feeling the sand between my toes. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore put me to peace and I started to think about A.

It felt like this stabbing pain in my chest and it wouldn't go away.

I want her and I only ever wanted her. Now I have to deal with a kid that's not even mine.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and answered it. It was Justis and I honestly didn't feel like talking to him about anything.

"Hey bro when are you coming to get your girl back it's been over a month" he said softly and I just stayed quiet.

  "I know she misses you I can see it on her face and I know you need her to, so come back for her before you lose her."

"Aria is pregnant and I'm the father" I blurted out into the phone and then there was silence. I continued on "She is about 4 weeks along and I can't be with A. She's going to hate me if she finds out and I have to be a father to my child. I'm not going to leave this kid like my dad left me I'm taking responsibility" I finished saying and tears threatened to spill, but I wouldn't let them.

"Are you ok? How have you been doing with the whole situation Hayden?"

"Does it sound like I'm ok? A was the only one I ever wanted and now everything is ruined. Look I got to go I don't want to talk right now see ya man" I replied to him hanging up before he could say or ask anything else.

I just wanted to be left alone. This world has done nothing for me. They gave me someone amazing then they took her away and now she's gone forever.

  I brought my eyes back to the ocean reflecting on everything.

  My heart started pounding in my chest thinking about the life I had before A I didn't want that life back at all.

  All I wanted to do was be in A's arms as she played with my hair. This was one of her weird habits she had. She would always make me fall asleep whenever she wanted to her arms were warm and secure around me.

  My mom always said never take a girl for granted or you'll lose her.

  I payed close attention back to the sunset gleaming against the water and as it went down it flickered against the waters surface. There was my sign that she's the one for me. This a sign that something out there doesn't want me to give up, but what am I supposed to do? I have to take care of this child, and I have to take responsibility.

  Who am I kidding?

  I won't get her back ever. I'm going to lose her forever she probably already has someone I'm probably irrelevant to her by now.

  I pulled the red velvet box out of my pocket and I opened it.

  This was supposed to be my future with A. I examined the ring and thought this was supposed to be my future with A. All the things we said to each other I wonder if it was all just bullshit. She lied to me about what happened just so she could abandon me. I thought she loved me?

  Was I really that bad?

  I'm done with relationships everything I've done and put into a serious relationship it turned out to be all for nothing. I love A with all my heart and I always will, but I'll have to wait til the time is right.

  Maybe I should just give up.

  ***

  I got to my front door exhausted from all the thinking I had been doing.

  I opened the door and saw that A had been sitting on the couch waiting on me. Her face lit up as soon as she saw me and it felt like an amazing rush to see her. I've missed her and I never want her out of my sight.

  She sighed, came close to me, and wrapped her arms around my neck. She pulled me close and I felt the ways of her soft skin. I just closed my eyes enjoying how good it felt being in her arms again.

  When we pulled apart it's like my body wanted her back, but I knew I couldn't have her.

  I stepped back a few steps and she looked surprised seeing that I had done this.

  She asked "What's wrong? Why are you backing away?" A started to move closer to me once more, but I put my hand up signaling her not to come any closer.

  "A Aria is pregnant with my child. This is why I've been trying to keep away from you. It would be too hard for me to see you" I looked down at the ground not even being able to face her.

  She was silent for a moment and when I looked up her eyes started to well up with tears.

  I tried stepping close to wipe her tears away, but she wouldn't allow me.

  She kept on taking steps back trying to avoid me.

  "A I..." She cut me off by saying "It's fine I understand. I'll leave you alone maybe you were right the first time" she went to pick up her things and as she turned towards me her eyes filled with tears. A couldn't hold it in anymore and she let the tears flow as she walked past me it felt like everything hurt more inside.

  I was about to stop her but she said "I thought that you were the one" she sniffled and I could tell she was fighting back her tears still.

  I knew she hated crying especially in front of people and I hate that I'm the reason why.

  I caused this but I can't fix it.

  I've lost her...forever.

I know there have been many sad chapters lately but it will get better no worries it will become more "eventful."

You guys will enjoy the drama, but I know you guys will get upset at me for one specific reason. I still hope you guys enjoyed it.

I promised you guys I'm going to start publishing more. I always keep my promises especially for my 💙's. Until next time.

Love,
Kaylia 💋