I feel terrible for the way things went last night. I don't want Raidyn to be mad at me and I surely didn't mean to make him so pissed off at me. I understand he's trying to be supportive of me and for that I am forever grateful. It's myself who is embarrassed, he's so intelligent and I feel belittled sometimes--it's not his fault, it's my own and my insecurities. Everyday my lessons get better, I try to listen to scholars, but they want me to be more hands on and in touch with the world. They want me to be interactive and try new words in sentences and ask people what they mean or how to spell a complicated word. It's embarrassing I'm a royal and all the people I associate are all educated and smart. Before if I heard a word I didn't know I would let it slide and try to make sense of the conversation--I was very good at the illusion and deception of it.
The morning sun is dim and I roll over in bed to leave kisses on Raidyn's cheek and neck making sure there slow and soft on his skin. "Raidyn." I breathe out to him as I continue my touch.
He groans in response and slowly rolls over. "Yes."
I continue to kiss his neck and I rub my hand down his chest and then up his shirt. "How are you feeling?"
"I feel fine. How are you feeling? How's the baby?"
"The baby is still asleep." I climb on top of him.
"No. Not that one." He breathes.
"This baby is fine, he's sleeping too." I leave a trail of kisses down his jawline. I grind my body on top of his and whisper. "Let me do this for you."
"No, Byrd please." He groans and places his hands on my own.
Sadness sweeps over my face as I crawl off of him and lay back on my side of the bed. "Fine." I say softly and turn away from him hurt. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings yesterday and I'm sorry. I know you're being supportive and I thank you for that." I say not bothering to look over my shoulder at him.
"Turn around, face me." He instructs.
I comply and turn to face him, my eyes glassy.
"It's okay. It's a new day, little dove." He speaks softly.
I nod my head and stare into his eyes. "But you still don't want to have sex?"
"No."
I turn back over away from him and sigh. "I'll watch Ries today after my lessons."
"We can get to having sex later on. I really need to go for a run this morning."
"Okay, I'll stay here and feed Ries before I go." I say getting out of bed to stretch. I make my way over to the crib to see Ries is awake, I pick him up and rub his back. "Have a good run, honey." I lean over to kiss Raidyn.
Raidyn quickly dresses for the morning and heads out for his run. I know he desperately needs it especially with the castle under lockdown all that week, his power is too much to keep inside--maybe that's why the dungeon sex was so good.
I bounce Ries in my arms and feed him and change myself before Daneria gets here to take him, and I have to get to my lessons. I set him in his playpen and he grabs a few of his stuffed animals and throws them around.
"Hey, sorry if I'm late." Daneria knocks on the door
"You can come in." I call out to her.
She opens the door and smiles at me. "You look like you're glowing, my queen."
"Thank you Daneria, you're so kind." I nod my head. "Raidyn and I really enjoy you as Ries's babysitter. You've been doing great this past week."
"It means a lot to hear that, majesty." She takes a few steps closer to me.
