What happened to Flora's sister was awful and I still get sick thinking about it. Daneria was an innocent that my father so wrongfully killed. My father is a terrible man yet there's still that huge part of me that doesn't want him dead as if I can change that evil aspect of him and have him as a father again--a grandfather to my children. No matter what I will always choose Raidyn and the boys, if there ever came a moment when my father was going to put either of three in harm I wouldn't think twice--I would kill him, it's the easy decision. So why does this not feel like an easy decision? The memories I have of my father are the ones I've longed for ever since Valdus kidnapped me. A father who protected me at all costs and I loved him more than anything, he put me first, he spoiled me and loved me. My mother a beautiful woman who would play with me and teach me right from wrong she was the one who showed me the beauty in the world. I feel as though I can't mourn their memories properly. Raidyn already has such a terrible opinion and view of them and I'm left with these beautiful memories that all anyone can say is, that's not who they are anymore.
More than anything I want my father to be this wonderful man I remember him as. I want to tell Ries and Hollis of my parents and then have both of them say they wish they could've met them. It won't ever be like that, Milo and Daphne will always be favored for obvious reasons where Cynric and Arleigh will always be known as brute tyrants who tried to destroy and break apart my family. My children will despise them just as much as the realm does. This brings me back to the question of why this bothers me--he does terrible things and if it were anyone else I would ask for their head. I don't want Raidyn or Flora to look at me like my emotions are weak, like my emotions and feelings toward Cynric are ridiculous and disregardable. Cynric deserves to die, but I don't think the news will cause me to throw a party.
Eating ice cream with Raidyn while Ries was on the bed with us is a blessing--a picture perfect moment. I love these two more than anything and will do everything in my power to protect them; and Hollis. Ries eventually fell asleep in the crib and then Raidyn and I started cuddling while we tossed the empty tub of chocolate ice cream into the garbage can. Cuddling quickly lead to exhilarating and exhausting sex. Every time I'm with him it's extreme passion and love, the dependency is something I rarely think of. My need for Raidyn is beyond the dependency I know when I feel it because I feel weak and I need his energy. This is needed his love--sex with each other is making love. I crave his touch and loving caring motions that give me great pleasure. We spend a good majority of the night making each other forget and feel good--it was something we both needed.
Raidyn and I fall asleep quickly after and when I wake up we are in each other's arms. I sneak away from Raidyn who looks like he's out cold. I maneuver out of the bed careful not to wake him. I check on Ries who is sound asleep and then I sit at the table bored and grab Raidyn's journal. I only get through a page when Ries cries and Raidyn wakes up. I shut the book and smile at him.
"We meet with Cal and Raven today." I remind him. "Do you want to bring Riesner with us, or drop him off with Alana and Rosie?"
"I don't know." Raidyn groans as he rubs his eyes and slumps out of bed to get Ries.
"If you're tired I can grab him." I say meeting him halfway to Ries's crib.
"Would you stop, I'm already up." He frowns, furrowing his eyebrows. "Get back to your school work."
My face drops and I turn back to the table and I grab one of my old school worksheets to pretend I'm working on. "So..." I say breaking the silence. "Leona." The name is all I need to say.
"So you weren't studying?"
"No I was not." I confess. "I only read a page so far." I look over at the journal on the corner of table. "She's the one who has your copy of Plains of Havillion."
