Short but sad. Like ohms dic...nvm..
Ryan's pov.
"I'll cut a vein open." I mumble. I know it was harsh to say but I can't be around her anymore. I can't cause her anymore pain.
"You'd rather die than be with me?" Her frail voice asks carefully,like she can't even begin to imagine me saying those words to her face.
Tears fill my eyes again as I hear the defeat in her voice.
"Okay... you won't hear from me again. I promise." A small voice whispers in despair.
I don't want that. God I want to love her and hold her and tell her that I don't mean it but...I can't take back my words.
Her footsteps are heard as she begins to walk down the stairs.
I bite my lip and stop myself from going after her.
"I need you." I cry out loud as the front door slams shut.
I stand up and slam my fist into my wall and my emotions take over.
"God dammit!" I scream through gritted teeth.
I pick up my lamp and throw it.
"Why am I so fucking stupid!" I kick my desk and a few pictures fall off of my walls.
It's when Bryce unlocks my door that the sobs take over. At first it was small.
Like when you're hearing something you don't want to and tears fill your eyes as soon as you try to speak,even though your voice is too shaky to understand. So you stop trying to speak and clench your jaw real tight and think "don't cry. Not now.please stop." And you wait a few seconds as the tears that were almost overflowing seep back and disappear. and this tightness forms in your throat as you continue to hold those tears back. But my tears never retreated. They flowed down my cheeks and my hands curl into balls and I squeeze my eyes shut and I hold my breath. Then as I breathe out a sob bubbles up my throws and pours out of my lips even though I sealed them tight with "I'm fine" and "don't worry" but these words were not strong enough to hold back my true emotions. Then I let out one more sob because it was building in my chest causing and uncomfortable feeling. Soon enough I can't control the tears or cries.
I can't bottle them up and swallow my guilt,so I wear my guilt across my face and my face feels constricted.I breathe heavily,just trying to get air into my lungs.
It's like my heart took a plunge into the deepest darkest end of a pool,and my brain didn't know how to swim.
I scream my fears and cry my tears.
Then I think I'm this upset because of what I said. She can only be worse because of what she had to hear.
"No no no no NO!" I shout and wipe my eyes dry and I run past a sad Bryce and I go down the stairs of a broken house in search for a broken girl.
She lives so close to me. That's good and bad. I'm close to her and I can be there soon but...it also means she's already at her house,alone.
I feet slam against the paved road and I follow the sound of a girls heart breaking and it leads me to a little blue house that belongs to a little blue girl.
Y/n's pov.
If I'm destined to live,then that's alright.
If I'm destined to die then that's alright too.
Water turned red and heart painted black.
It's awfully cold.
Very soon,
I'll die here,
Like this.
His voice bounces in my head as he screams my name loudly.
I don't want to look at him.
I don't want to see the same heartbreak in his eyes that's in mine.
I can't see him hurt.
"Is it okay for me to have hope?" He whispers gripping my hand.
There's nothing he can do.
A chuckles leaves my throat.
"No." I whisper.
Ryan's pov.
"Are you crying?" She mumbles watching a tear race down my face.
"You are too." I whisper wiping her cheek dry of tears.
"You'd be okay,even without me huh?" Her voice shakes.
"No...I'll never be okay without you." I respond.
I push a strand of hair out of her face.
She looks down at the water she's sitting in and frowns.
"I'm not going to be alive by day break." My breath hitches.
I know this already but...it hurts to hear it come out of her mouth.
*****
It's a quiet ceremony.
Few people gathered around a black casket.
No one speaks. No one cries. I don't think anyone even feels anything at this moment.
No one feels anything but guilt. For being mean,or rude to the girl.
Some feel guilt for leaving her behind.
Some feel guilt for calling her a bother.
Some feel guilt for not being there for her.
But I feel guilt for not loving her.
I pushed her away and I ended up regretting this for the rest of my miserable life.
One by one,the few begin to leave.
Jon bids me a farewell.
Luke gives me a sad smile.
Evan gives me a pat on the back.
Bryce gives me a hug.
Tyler gives me a nod.
Marcel gives me a hand shake.
And mini gives me a weak smile.
And yet out of everything I have received,nothing has yet made up for the sadness of loosing her.
I don't have anyone at home waiting for me anymore.
And now I understand what a pitch black world feels like.
