Different Worlds

Still Reluctant

I was standing here now, kissing him. He confessed that he loved me and I was so conflicted. I had deep feelings for him but I was still scared shitless. I didn't know if I loved him as well, but I knew I had feelings. Once he kissed me, seemed all my doubts went away. Everything that told me no or to run away, finally shut the hell up. Everything I had was in that kiss. We finally broke the kiss as we were breathless. He moved his forehead on mine and we closed our eyes. I heard him say, softly, "You don't have to say it back. I understand if you are not ready. But I do love you, Mary."

I pulled my head back and looked at him. I said, "I feel something, Seth. I have for awhile but I kept fighting it. I don't know if I can anymore."

"Then don't." He whispered. "Be with me. Be mine."

"I want to say yes but," I pulled away from him and said, "Trisha."

He looked wounded and I hated that he did. He looked down and nodded. "I understand." Then he said, "Come on, the car is waiting."

I nodded and we moved to the car. We both got in and didn't say anything the whole ride to the hotel. Once we arrived, we got out, still not talking. I would see Seth looking at me from time to time. I was so confused. Now I wanted to be with him but he was already with someone. I didn't break up relationships. After what Katrina did to me, I couldn't be that girl. We got to our room and I said to him, "I'm going to bed, Seth. Goodnight."

He only said, softly, "Goodnight."

I moved to my room and changed. I got into the bed and laid there. All I could think about was the events that unfolded that night. I was still in shock that Seth admitted that he loved me. If the timing wasn't worse. I kept tossing and turning and couldn't sleep. I looked at the clock, it was almost two in the morning. I got up and walked out of the room. I went to Seth's door and knocked on it. I didn't give him a chance to answer, I just opened the door. Seth turned to in the bed and looked at me. He asked, "Is everything okay, Mary?"

I walked in and said, "I can't sleep, Seth. I was kinda hoping..." My voice trailed off as I couldn't get it out.

He just smiled at me and moved over in the bed. "Come on."

I smiled and happily climbed in the bed with him. I moved close to him as he moved an arm around me. I put my head on his shoulder and laid there. We didn't say anything for awhile, just laid there, comfortable. Then he said, "I still mean it, Mary. I want you to be mine."

"I know, Seth." I breathed. "But you are with Trisha. I am not one to be with attached men."

"You know I am not happy with her, Mary." He said.

"I know, Seth. Still doesn't make it right." I said to him.

He sighed and then said, "Well, I plan on breaking it off with her."

I pulled away from him as I sat up. I looked at him stunned. "Don't do that cause of me!"

He sat up, slightly, on his elbows. "I'm not. You were just the push I needed. I kept staying with her cause I wanted to try to fill the void of not being with the girl I really wanted to be with. The girl I love. I don't love her. I don't care about her."

I frowned, "So, you are using her?"

"Like she isn't using me. A girl like her don't look at a guy like me unless they have something to offer. In my case, it is my money. I don't want someone like that. You don't see that side of me. You look at me for who I am. That is why I love you so much. You don't treat me no different then you do anyone else. It's refreshing." He said.