Thrown Inside (One Direction Fanfiction)

Chapter FortyTwo - The End Of The Rage

Me and Niall hadn't talked for the hole week. For two days it had been nice. I was so angry with him that I knew that if I talked to him I would just break up with him. It was the sad truth. The feeling really go away. More and more Worries had grew onto me. I was so scared for him and I wondered if our relationship was good right now. 

Honestly the last week I had been locked into my room not moving an inch. Elin had been out and about on model business and I was happy about that. She had been my punching bag for what Niall had caused. 

@1DLiveUpdates: Niall was not on stage tonight... Hope nothing has gone wrong with Emma. x

I refused the urge to reply telling the girl that I was fine. As well I refused the urge to call up Niall asking if he was alright. No mater how much I tried not to love him as much and stop caring I couldn't. Today I had baked for the first time in what had been months. 

My legs and arms had got back their strength so it was nice to be back on track. Even if the huge scars reminded me every day what was going to happen. What had happened. The prosthetic breast made me feel less ugly but it still was horrible. 

Elin had helped me shower the first night mostly because I didn't know if my legs would even let me stand. It's weird how the meds make me feel. Tired, Cold and mood swings. I kept myself for myself afraid I'd snap at people. In my room I had re painted again. The dark colours switched to pastels. 

Yesterday I had a check up with the doc. Just to be clear for Australia. Which I was. She gave me some new meds that would help me with the pain and some antibacterial. The casual. She advised me to talk with a doc over there. Just to have one in stock if anything would happen. 

"I smell cupcakes!" Elin shouted as the door opened to the apartment. She walked right in with a smile plastered over her face. "How was your day?" I asked quietly. Elin stopped in her tracks and turned around hugging me tightly. "You're talking again" She said, it sounded like a little kid getting to know that it finally got that toy it's been longing after for so long. 

I pursed my lips together and gave her a short nod. "I'm just going to go wash all of the crap off of my face and I'll be right back" She said happily ignoring my silence and kissed my cheek before dancing off into her room. 

The radio start babbling about something I don't really care about and I look over the kitchen. The water heater turns off and the water for tea is finished. I hadn't realized how much I was hurting Elin by not speaking... Simply I had just... Stopped thinking.

Elin came back in her hair in a messy bun on her head with a onepeice on. She sat down eager taking a muffin and the cup of tea I had placed on her side. 

"I made a shoot for Cosmo today it was fantastic!" She said happily biting into the muffin. "I ran into Austin again... He's still into Superman" She said and rolled her eyes and I let out a laugh biting into a muffin myself. 

"You know I had started to think that you were going to be mute for forever" Elin mumbled and I nodded. "Sorry" I said and she smiled. "Nice to have you back" She said. "Emma.. Not to pressure you or anything... but you should call Niall back" Elin said and I swallowed hard. No. "He's going insane without you and I know you are aswell, Just call him back" Elin said pushing my phone towards me. 

I didn't need this. False Hope.

"I don't know Elin... We'll talk when I come to Australia" I Lied looking at the muffin I didn't feel like eating up anymore. Honestly I felt like a terrible best friend for not just telling her what was going on. "He's literally heartbroken over there, He didn't even bother doing the concert yesterday" Elin said seeking my gaze.

So it's true? It's worse then I thought. It's time. 

"I'll call him tonight" I sighed pushing the muffin to Elin. She would suredly eat it up. "Fine" She mumbled and took the muffin. She ate the hole thing up together with two other muffins. I looked over towards the living room. There it was.. the pile of 'get better' presents. It surprised me that Elin hadn't already opened them all. 

Elin walked over to the presents when she had noticed that I looked at them.Half of them were opened and she picked one up. 

"There was so much candy... I hope you don't mind that I ate some of it" She said and I shook my head. "No that's fine" I said and gave her a little smile. "Andy sent you am one piece actually" Elin said digging in the presents. 

The one piece was striped and looked really good. "Remind me to call him and thank him" I said and sat down in our sofa. There were a few cards laying on the table and I picked one up. In it was a little painting by Theo. My heart ached and I dropped it like if it had been on fire. 

"You can open them all up if you want... I feel a little bit tired.. Calling Niall... You know" I trailed off and Elin's face fell and I turned away from her facing my door. "Sleep tight" I her her whisper before I closed the door. 

The laptop was laying on my bed so I picked it up and placed it in front of me. Skype was already up as I had talked to mum this morning. Niall was surprisingly online and I clicked call. I tried to fight the feeling of panic as he answered. 

He sat there and he looked awfull. Which I didn't thought was possible.

The silence was thick. What was I supposed to say? 'Hi I'm sorry for nothing'? It was awkward which talking to Niall had never been. In the back of my head I knew what was coming. But I pushed it further back. 

"Ehm... I have been thinking" I broke the silence and he looked up. "Emma please forgive me? It was stupid really and I Just wanted to protect you" He rambled and it was like turning something on. "Niall it's okay.. I get it, I think, But I feel like I don't think it's a good time for me to fly down... not after this... I need some time to think" I mumbled and In my head I was screaming 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! YOU NEED HIM!' 

His mouth dropped open and I glanced away from the screen. I couldn't bare to see him like this. 

"That sounds an awful lot like breaking up" Niall said with a broken voice. "Maybe that's what needs to be done" I whispered. Everything in my body broke. In millions of tiny pieces. What am I doing? Before I could answer anything he talked. "If that's what you need, I'm all for it... just know that I'm never forgetting you" He whispered. I did the big mistake of looking at the screen and tears were now falling freely down Niall's cheek. 

It went quiet again and calmness spread through my body. Tears was dripping down my chin but i knew this was for the best. I couldn't stay with him. If I died away from him it would break him in ways that I can't even imagine... This way he would heal and maybe find someone else. 

"Bye Niall" I herd the words go out of my mouth like if a ghost said them. "I Love you Emma, I will always do" He said and with that I pressed end. 

Elin walked into the room and looked at me pale. She opened and closed her mouth but nothing came out. "I'm so sorry" She said and hugged me. I had now stopped crying and everything felt so peaceful and calm. Why was that?

After talking to Elin for the hole evening she had agreed on going to Australia anyways. The girls was waiting for her. I told her that I needed the time alone. In a way it was true. I needed to finish my book. It was just  few pages left now. But in other ways I just lied to get her out of 'worrying about Emma' zone. 

They had tried to protect me for so long they needed the vacation. It was time to put me back behind where I belonged. I sent a few text to Lilly telling her that I would stay and Would be able to start Radiation before Christmas. 

I walked out in our backyard avoiding Elin's worrying gaze. The peaceful consumed me and everything I felt was calm.

It was the end of the rage.