Loving You Painfully - Michaeng (Completed)

Chapter 3 - The Itchy That Couldn't Be explained.

After Minna Unnie, the agency decided to add more member. There are the Chae sisters from K-pop Star 3, JYP scouts them himself. Kim Eunsuh, a very talented girl at dancing. Natty, a new foreign member from Thailand. She's still 13 years old but she's so so so good. And Somi, the one that I consider my little sister. She's a mixed Korean Canadian. At first, I thought she's going to talk in English all the time but turns out, she's a true Korean. The new additional trainee live in the foreigner dorm, it's 16 of us now. I could never figure it out what's on JYP's mind. We know it that he would never debut us as 16 members.

We've grown closer and closer, all of us. We live together, eat together, practice together, cry together, having a good and hard time also together, we share so much bond. As we've grown together, in my mind I just want to have a closer look at one person. Minna Unnie. I really like my friends, they are my support system every day. But Mina Unnie is different.

Mina Unnie is a very shy person. She's so quite. She's so sensitive. On top of that, she's so kind to me. Especially to me, I don't know why. Maybe because I left a good impression on her. I feel comfortable around her. She has this weak image every time I see her. For some reason, I always want to help her, in anything even small things. I want to be beside her, but I don't want to make it obvious. I want her to tell the story only to me, I want her to only share about her burdensome to me, it's selfish I know. I am a Taurus, when I wanted to protect something, I'll do that 200 times better. I am so possessive in the heart. I am selfish I know. With her case, it feels like I'm her guard rails. You know, it's there, it doesn't move, it's on the front, but its job is to protect from the outside.

I like everything about her, one day I and Jeongyeon Unnie came to her dorm, her dorm is in the building next to us. We come early in the morning to surprise them and wake them up. When I went to Mina Unnie's room, she's been up all night, with her laptop on her lap, she was playing StarCraft. I mean, I know that she's from Japan, but her passion and love a game online was something that I could laugh for. I never know that a woman loves an online game as much as her. Not to mention her other hobby that includes game board. She's too good with games.

This happens oddly. Everything that happened to me now seems so odd. On weekdays, I always search for nothing. It's somehow unbearable. Sometimes, I went to the building even I'm not sure that she's going to be there. And, it's always right. She wasn't there. I felt that I tried too hard. Foreign members live together, foreign members have a lot of activities than us, they have to learn Korean language as well, then to study privately in order to accomplish a degree. Sometimes, I even found myself walked into their neighboorhood, just to cheat the universe. I am hoping that she could be in the mart or something that we could happen to meet each other. I don't want to surrender to the destiny, instead, I created the situation. Because it will be so odd if I always visit their dorm. The urge of meeting her for me become totally irrational, and I always failed.

For God knows how and why she's never been able to get outside my mind. Like literally. She's there. She's hijack-ing my brain. I never felt like this before. Even with my first love, my first boyfriend, my second boyfriend didn't feel like this. Well, to be honest, I had good experience in dating. At 14, I dated my first boyfriend, he was a high school student. He was so gentle, we met at the church. He was the first boy that I actually kissed. Kiss at 14, I know it's gross. It was also his first kiss. It was gentle. Then we broke up, cause he had to move to another province. My second boyfriend, well actually he was a rebound. I admit that I super jerk at that time. We dated a month after my first moved to another province. He was someone from the next class. He was kind of a jerk, he confessed to me to showed me off to others. Well, I also used him as a rebound. We then broke up after 100 days. But, what I feel now is way too far from my feeling towards them. I can't figure it out. We have a different practice schedule since she's new. She trains with another new recruit. I managed to know her schedule. I don't know why I even come to her practice. I get excited just seeing her, even just for 5 seconds. A little conversation always happens to that 5 seconds. It's basically:

"Hey, Unnie" I always greet her first, follow by "Dance practice?"

"Hem" She nod.

"Fighting! Bye" I wave at her awkwardly, since she's a very shy person.

I pretend not knowing her schedule, while I memorize her schedule. It's odd, isn't it? For me, 5 secs is always enough for a day. That short conversation has no meaning for others but for me.......it's enough.

Why do I even feel that?

Could it be?

No. It's not.

I am alone in the practice room, today I decided to exercise my rap writing with my trainee, without even I l know it, it's 4 pm already. 4PM. DAMN. It's the time when Minna Unnie finishes from her Korean lesson and will have a break time. Oh, my God, I should meet her today, 5 secs is enough. She's in the building and I know it. I then tidy up my books, and start to rush things, I put all my things in my backpack, I am a very neat person but I just put everything in my backpack. Then I run, I go to her classroom. I peek from the window, no one there. Shit, it's done already? I search everywhere, I search every room in the hallway. Other trainees even put a shocked face when I stormed in the hallway as well as JYPE staffs. She's not there. For some reason, she's not there. I even see Sana Unnie, Momo Unnie, Natty, everyone but her. I don't want to ask them. Somewhere about my quest and journey, I stop. I feel stupid, I feel pointless. It's been a year since we know each other and I feel a little bit tired of hoping. I am tired of chasing at the empty spot. I am tired to construct coincidences. I feel weak, I decide to rest. It's 4.40 perfect time to watch the sun after this day. I go to the rooftop, the zen-est place in this building. You could see other building there, just don't look down cause it's hectic. There's a bench there. Rumour said that JYP always took a cigarette break there. I sit there and take a deep breath. I close my eyes and breathe a fresh air. I still feel so stupid. I bend my body. As I close my eyes, I drown my face to both hands. I feel that my bench bit a dip. I don't care who is it. I just want to breathe.

"Wow, magic hour"

I recognize that voice. Is it? Ah, no way. I lift up my head and turn my face into a very familiar face. It's her. It's you, you that I've been looking for. It's you. She smiles at me, as I face my face to her. I almost tear up, at the same time I am so happy.

"It's perfect time to enjoy the sun, Unnie"

I then reply to her. When I stop searching and looking, she's here. Here with me.

"Woah I'm so tired" She then bends her body to the bench.

It's perfect now.