Bad Boy Games

Chapter 38

4-20-14

Cheese.

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You were my conscience.

So solid, now you’re like water.

And we started drowning.

Not like we’d sink any farther.

But I let my heart go.

It’s somewhere down at the bottom.

But I’ll get a new one,

And come back for the hope that you’ve stolen. 

-Monster ~ Paramore

 

(Thursday night of that same week)

‘Lyla, this is your father. I know you’re getting these messages and you know that I don’t like being ignored. Call me back please.’

I sighed and closed my eyes. My phone fell out of my hand as I laid down, burying my face in the pillow. This is the third time this week that he’s called me and left a voicemail. And he’s sounded more frustrated with every message. Good. I hope I’m pissing him off.

I just don’t see any reason that he could have for trying to come back into our lives. Maybe he wants to hurt us. Maybe he wants to see Mom again. Whatever it is I don’t care. He has no reason good enough for this shit and frankly I would rather everything go back to the way it was without him.

Landon and I have been talking and he’s just as clueless about it as me. But- also like me- he doesn’t want anything to do with him. Michael is better off without him and I hope he never has to meet him. I hope none of us ever see him again.

………….

When I got to school I tried to avoid Winter and Carter. I want to talk to Jacob and I would rather not have them knowing about me confiding in him. I haven’t told them about the kisses and I’m not going to. I mean why would I tell them if I don’t even know what to think about them?

I told them about Dad calling but other than that I’ve been mostly silent about the whole thing. They respect the fact that I don’t want to talk about it and don’t ask questions. I feel bad for keeping things from them but they’ve got their own problems.

Carter’s little sister has been in and out of the hospital for a while now. His family is stressed out and I’m pretty sure his grades have dropped a little. The last thing he needs is more of my problems added onto his.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Ever since Jacob said that he ‘would be there’ if I need to talk he’s been distant. He hasn’t even glanced my way for the past two days and when we pass in the hall it’s like I’m not there. When I try to make eye contact he acts like he doesn’t see.

And in all honesty it hurts. A lot. I thought I could trust him. How stupid of me to think something like that.

He probably realized that he hooked me too deep and that my emotions are starting to come out. I wouldn’t expect any less of a player. Because let’s face it.

Jacob Daniels is a player. That’s something that has never and will never change. No matter how many secrets of mine he knows or how close I think we get sometimes, that is the one thing that will be set in stone regardless of how much everything else in our lives changes.