Come Back, Be Here (Camren)

Chapter 48

It's currently the weekend, Saturday morning to be exact, and Camila is laying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling and wondering if her and Lauren will ever get back to how they used to be. A week has passed since Lauren and Camila had the fight and neither of the girls apologized for anything they said that night. Lauren didn't feel like she had anything to apologize for, considering Camila is the one who has been distant. Camila, on the other hand, strongly felt the need to apologize, but she just couldn't find the right words to say. The musician was baffled herself when she came to the conclusion that she wanted to apologize, but she didn't know how. She writes songs for a living, but yet when it comes to marital problems and fixing those problems, she just cannot find the right words to say. Truth be told, she doesn't even know what to apologize for. How can she apologize for living out her dream and putting everything she has into making her solo career the best that she can make it?

Part of her knows that there's nothing she can say to fix the problems that are affecting her and Lauren's marriage. Camila knows Lauren wants to hear that she will cut back on her time at the studio, cut back on her time promoting her new album. She knows Lauren wants to hear her say that she's not overworking herself and wants to hear her say that she will be home at 6 pm every night to eat dinner.

The problem is, Camila can't tell her any of that because she doesn't want any of that. Of course, she wants to sit down every night and eat dinner with her beautiful wife, but she also wants to be successful. The phrase that comes to her mind is that she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants Lauren and she wants her music.

Camila decides that she's not going to dwell on their problems any longer. It's a new day and the brunette decides that she wants to make it a good one. Slowly sitting up from her previous laying position on the couch, she winces when she feels the tense muscles in her neck. Sleeping on the couch for the past week has not been good on her neck or her back. It's not that Lauren doesn't allow her to sleep in the bed with her, it's just that every night when Camila gets home, the door to their room is closed and Camila takes that as a sign that Lauren would rather sleep alone. Truth be told, it completely broke Camila's heart this past week when she would come home to their apartment every night to find that all the lights were off and Lauren was not waiting up for her on the couch. However, every night when she came in, she would sneak into the bedroom she used to share with Lauren and if her wife was asleep, she would place a light kiss to her lips. One time she came in to find Lauren awake, watching television. She wanted so badly to still walk over and kiss her, but when those disappointed green eyes locked with hers, all her confidence just seemed to vanish and she would just tell her goodnight.

What Camila did not know though was that Lauren did wait up on her. Every single night. Yes, she was in their room with the door shut, but she still stayed up until she heard the front door open. She couldn't bring herself to go to sleep if Camila wasn't home safely. Every night she would stay up and when she heard the door open, she would turn off the bedside lamp and pretend to be asleep. She would even pretend to be asleep when Camila would sneak into their room and kiss her on the lips. It took everything in Lauren not to pull the girl into her arms and kiss her senseless, but instead, she would just lay there and let Camila place a light as a feather kiss on her lips.

Every night she hoped that Camila would kiss her and then she'd feel the bed dip, signaling that Camila had decided to ditch the couch and sleep by her again. After a couple of days of Camila kissing her and leaving the room, Lauren decided to stay awake and see what the girl would do when she walked into the room and saw Lauren awake. The older Latina hoped that Camila would still kiss her, but all her hope dissipated when she watched Camila just peak her head in the door and tell her goodnight.

Once Camila manages to massage out the crick in her neck, she stands up from the couch and makes her way into the kitchen. She looks at the clock to see that it is 9 am and she doesn't have to be at the label until 10 this morning, so she decides to cook Lauren some breakfast. She scrambles two eggs, fries some bacon, makes some toast, and pours orange juice into a cup. Once the breakfast is made, she sets it on a tray and takes it into the bedroom where Lauren is sleeping. However, when Camila walks in, she sees that Lauren is awake and reading a book.