peaky blinders imagines + smut.

tommy shelby: when you were young.

WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG.

You glanced over at your husband, the guilt overwhelming every inch of your body as you pressed a kiss against his cheek. The things that you did for Thomas Shelby, sneaking around like some love-struck teenager, lying to your husband and not returning until the earlier hours of the morning. Everything about it was wrong, and playing with fire would only lead you to be burnt, but no matter how hard you tried, Tommy would always come first. You slipped on your heels and smoothed out your jewel covered dress. Your eyes dropped to your wedding ring which you twisted around your skin, exhaling slightly before walking out of the door and towards the chauffeur who was waiting for you to arrive.

"Where am I taking you, Lady [y/n]?" He respectfully asked, not daring to speak in any other tone but kindness.

"The same street as a few months ago, if you remember, please," you responded. The chauffeur, who was unaware of your sordid affair with the man who had stolen your heart all those years ago, drove away from grand house, humming a tune as you sat nervously in the back seat.

Your mind racked through all the times that you had seen Tommy, too many to count. You loved him, there was no denying that, but the lies and deceit was becoming too much. The first time you had met him, you were only nineteen. It was a charity event that your father was holding in Small Heath to help the poor and being from a well-privileged family, the sights were appalling. Tommy was the one that showed you around, familiarised you to people and introduced you to your first ever whiskey. After that, things changed. No longer did you judge the poor or keep yourself attached to your parents but you found yourself making excuses to go down and visit Small Heath, visit Tommy. Charity events turned into overnight stays, drunken nights away and falling in love – things that should have never happened. Everyone was ignorant of yours and Tommy's passion but they knew something was up. You had gone from the sweet, innocent [y/n] to unruly and daring. Tommy brought that side out of you and it was a risky game, but one that you worshipped.

Then the War came, and things went downhill. You promised to wait for Tommy, swore on your life that you would be there at the train station, waiting for the man that you loved. But, your father, who had no idea about yours and Tommy's top-secret relationship, arranged a marriage. You wanted to decline and tell your father the truth but he would never accept. He believed that you deserved better than some common folk and before you could even think about what to do, you were married off to a lord who had plenty of money. He was a nice person and treated you with respect and love but you didn't love him, not like you loved Tommy.

Then, one day out of the blue, you received a letter from the man himself, asking you to meet him at some murky club. Without hesitation, you followed the instructions and met wih Tommy. He was still the same person, just gloomier and not as pleased. The things that you continued to do after that first meeting was wrong, completely wrong, but it was Tommy and you couldn't stay away. You craved the feeling that you had when you were with Tommy and the joyful youth that you were when you were only teenagers, came back out and once again, you feel back into the pattern of becoming a rebel, even though you were now a grown woman and not some teenager.

"We have arrived," the chauffer spoke. He stepped out from the front side and walked around the edge of the car before opening the door for you and extending his hand. You jumped down from the car and gave him a well-mannered smile. "Will you be returning home tonight?"

"No, please let William know. I think I'll end up stopping at Julia's," you fibbed. The chauffer smiled and wished you a good night before leaving you alone on the street.

Your feet slowly walked up the familiar bar that was hidden behind the streets of Birmingham. A bright sign on the outside, multiple women stumbling out with drunken men following them, hoping to court one of the attractive women. Your heart began to race as you thought about seeing the man you loved, it had been a few months since your last night together but Tommy still made you as anxious as he did when you were young. Nodding at the barman, he poured you a drink and slid it over the bar.

"You look as beautiful as ever," Tommy said as he sat down next to you. He paused and looked over at your ring finger, observing the wedding ring that sparkled in the bright lights. "I really hate that man," he spoke before sliding the ring off your finger and placing it into your bag.

"You don't know him."

"He's married to the woman I love, I don't have to know him to hate him."

You rolled your eyes playfully and turned your head away, this was the effect he had on you. Such nasty words could make you blush and become nervous, he spoke like a gentleman, everything that you had ever wanted as a young child and still, he was so damaged at the same time. He continued to drag you into his bubble with the words that he spoke, his gentleman like ways and the charm. He knew how to play you, but you worked straight into his hands.

Tommy moved over towards a booth, far away in the corner of the club and you followed, taking your seat next to him. The first time you met, after the War, Tommy couldn't even bring himself to look at you, angry at the way that you had left him without any warning and explanation. You were his rock during the war, the only thing that managed to get him through the rough days, tunnels and killings. To find out that you had married some other man when he returned, it broke Tommy's heart but he wasn't going to give up on you, not after everything that he had been through. Tommy spent weeks tracking you down, finding out where you lived like some awful stalker but in the end, it was worth it. The feeling he got when he saw you walk into the club took away all the undesirable feelings that he had collected over the years and the love he felt for you only got stronger.

"Do you ever think about what we could have been if the war hadn't happened?" you asked, your voice low as you questioned him. Tommy looked over at you with a sad look in his eyes and nodded. "I do love you, Tommy."

"So why won't you leave your husband and be with me?" Tommy raised one eyebrow and continued to stare hard at you.

"Because we aren't kids anymore and..."

"We are acting like them; do you not think? Sneaking away at night, staying in hotels and leaving the next day without barely muttering a word to each other. It's killing you, [y/n], I know it." Tommy's tone was full of anger and frustration but his eyes softened when he noticed you looking down at the floor in shame. "I love you too, I do but why do you keep doing it?"

You thought for a moment, thinking about your answer as you didn't want to upset or offend him. "Because you make me happy, Tommy. I can be myself with you, you treat me with respect and love me but we can't be together, not anymore, no matter how much we both want it."

"Why?" Tommy sighed. He placed his hand on top of yours and looked down at you, causing the rosy-blush to rise onto your cheeks. You found yourself blushing constantly when you were around Tommy, his words and actions did that to you.

"You aren't the same man that you used to be. Before the War, you were everything that I ever dreamed off and you still are, but your ruined, Tommy. I can't allow myself to get involved in the life that you lead."

"But I'm alright every now and again when you get bored of playing happy families, I see how it is." Tommy scoffed and took a sip of his burning drink, not looking at you in fear that he would say something that he would regret. "You used to say that I was the man of your dreams."

"You are."

"No, I'm not. I'll never be good enough for you, will I?" Tommy tilted his head to the side and waited for your response. All you could do was shake your head and attempt to talk. "You'll never leave though, [y/n]. You want the excitement, the thrill of it all, even if you do think it's wrong." With every word, Tommy leant in closer until he was brushing your lips with his own. "You dreamt up the perfect life in your head when you were younger, imagined all the things that you would do with your future husband, the kids that you would have and the love that you would share. Your stuck in that daydream, unafraid to take the plunge like you did all those years ago when you first met me. Stop looking for pity and forgiveness and just give into the temptation."