Expressing Thoughts-J.D

-5-

We had two more shows, one more in Japan and then another in China before we had to fly back to the US for the Grammys. I was enjoying being on tour again with Josh but I did miss our crew that we had before. I sat in the dressing room of the second venue in Japan, one hand playing with Josh's hair and the other scrolling through Twitter. Josh was scrolling through Instagram and every now and then we would show each other things.

"I'm still getting all the love you asked people to give me" he chuckled, I smiled and looked at all the comments on his recent Instagram as she showed some to me.

"You're not hard to love with a butt like that" I showed him a photo that someone had taken of him from behind.

"My butt is great" he confirmed and we went back to scrolling.

He got up from the comfy position and went over to his practice drums, he started hitting them so hard i could feel their pain. I put my phone down and watched him practice, he loved drumming so much and it was evident in the way he performed. He stopped after a while and stared at his drums, he started tapping the drum quietly and then looked over at me. I was still watching him so I just smiled as he looked at me.

"Do you want to go on a date?" He asked, I grinned at his spontaneity and nodded.

"Where are we going?" I asked, excited.

"Wherever you want, we can go tomorrow on our day off" he swivelled around on his chair to face me and grinned.

"Okay" I smiled, we just sat smiling at each other until I became suspicious. "Why the interest all of a sudden?" I asked, he let out a laugh and shrugged.

"I just worry sometimes" he mumbled and fidgeted on his swivel chair.

"What?" I asked, not sure whether I had heard him right.

"I just worry that I'm not satisfying you with the job that I'm in" he said, my mouth dropped.

"What" was all I could say because I really didn't know what he meant.

"I don't doubt that you love me, I never would but sometimes I worry that one day you aren't going to like touring with me anymore and that you will just want to stay in LA while I tour" he vented.

"What the fuck Josh" I said, he looked scared as heck so I softened my voice a bit. "Josh I'm literally touring the world with my best friends and the guy I love while watching him do what he loves. I'm not going to stop loving every moment anytime soon" I smiled, he looked frustrated and huffed slightly.

"Do you ever miss your old life, you know before the tour where we met. It must've been so easy, staying in the same place and not being exhausted all the time" he stressed, I pouted towards him suddenly suspicious of what this was about.

"Josh do you not like touring anymore?" I asked, he turned his eyes away from me and I knew he didn't want to say yes. "It's okay to want to take a break" I stood up and walked over to him, he spun on his chair and looked up towards me. I wrapped my legs around him and straddled him to make him feel better.

"I don't want to let anyone down, especially you and the fans" he stressed, I ran my thumb along his cheekbone and shook my head.

"You've trekked across this whole world for your fans, they will respect you if you want to take some time" I ran my fingers through his hair as he stared into my eyes.

"And you?" He gulped, I made eye contact with him and gave his a reassuring smile.

"I will be right next to you every step of the way" I smiled.

"So you don't miss your life before the tour?" He asked, i rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I was depressed Josh, why would I miss that?" I said, slightly agitated, he nodded and gave me a kind smile.

"I love you" He smiled, I leant down and kissed him hard. He swivelled his chair with me on him which made me squeal while I was still attached to him. He pushed hard against my lips so I moved back slightly and he laid me on his drums. He detached our lips and kissed down my neck, I moaned and giggled until there was a knock on Josh's door. I leapt up and ran to the couch while Josh got up to answer the door. We were both as flustered as the other.

"Hey dude we're on in ten so let's go" Tyler's voice echoed through the room. He nodded and ran back to me, he jumped on top of me and kissed me while I laughed loudly. He kissed my forehead before running back to the door.

"Good luck!" I yelled and he waved from behind the door.

I walked around the arena with Jenna to see if we could get to the standing area, we linked arms and were just chatting about life. I told her about the conversation Josh and I were having previously.

"Tyler's been talking about a break as well, I think they need it" she agreed.

"Josh worries too much that everything he does is going to affect the fans" I vented.

"Yeah but a lot of the time it does affect the fans. They are so good to them you know, they feed them a lot if you will" she joked, I laughed and nodded. "If they take away the food for a while some are going to understand while others will be pissed" she explained.

"Jenna you understand everything so well what the heck" I laughed.

"It's why I'm here hun" she grinned as we walked into the arena. We walked down the sides of the standing to reach the sound booth and climbed in so we could have the best seats in the house. A few fans noticed us and waved, we got a few dirty looks but that is expected.

"What's your favourite song of theirs?" I asked Jenna. She bit her lip while she thought and then jumped slightly when she remembered.

"Obviously Tear In My Heart" she giggled, I nodded realising it was a stupid question now that I thought about it. "What about you?" She asked.

"I guess Fall Away, it's the one I listen too the most often" i answered, she smiled.

"That's a good one" she agreed. The lights dimmed as the boys came on.

Jenna and I danced away, taking photos of each other and the guys. I put a few things on my Instagram story of Jenna dancing and she did the same for me. During Tear In My Heart, Tyler made sure to dedicate it to Jenna who just watched him so lovingly. I really loved what they had so much and couldn't believe they had been married for two years already. We sang until our voices hurt and danced until I accidentally hit someone, then we just fell to the floor laughing. I really did love watching the shows sometimes.

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I promised it up on the 26th and now its 00:36 on the 27th. You can't say I didn't give it a go.