Expressing Thoughts-J.D

-51-

Tyler and Josh had a few shows before they officially had a month off. I promised them I would look after Jenna and Ollie until they came back so I was substitute dad for a few weeks.

It didn't take me long to realise I had no idea what I was doing and call Lillie so we could all work together to keep the baby alive for two weeks.

At 2am Ollie started screaming again. My body raised up instantly, I was laying down in between Jenna and Lillie.

"Baby" I yelled and they both sat up.

"I'll get the bottle, you get a diaper, Jenna go hug him until we get there" Lillie said, she was always perky and awake no matter what time of day it was

I made my way to the pile of diapers while they both scattered. I picked up the diaper but something in me stirred, I threw my hand over my mouth and sprinted to the bathroom. Suddenly, I was throwing up everything I had in me over and over again.

"Sage! Where's the diaper? He needs a diaper!" Lillie yelled, she ran in while she shook Ollie's bottle. She dropped the bottle when she saw me.

"I'm fine" I whimpered, she dropped to the floor next to me and rubbed my back as I threw up.

"Lillie! Sage!" Jenna yelled and then the baby screamed. I hit Lillie as she tried to help me.

"Take the diaper, I'm fine" I shoed her away.

"Do you want me to call Josh?" She asked, I grabbed her arm and shook my head.

"Do not tell Josh, do not call him" I yelled at her, she looked almost scared as she ran away with the diapers.

I sorted myself out, wiping away the vomit and then brushing my teeth. I stared at myself in the mirror, this had been happening too frequently. I probably had something very wrong with me, my life was going too well.

I walked into the bedroom to see Jenna and Lillie both passed out again, I ran a hand harshly through my hair and then started crying. I didn't really know why I was crying, I just was. I walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs into the living room. I sat on the couch and cried for a while. I wanted Jim, I hadn't seen him in such a long time and to think he was only at Josh's parents house made me want him more.

"Hey, why are you up?" Jenna's voice came from no where. I wiped my tears and turned around, she frowned when she saw me.

"I just wanna hug Jim" I shrugged, trying to hide the fact I had been crying. She stared at me for a few seconds, studying my every feature.

"Where?" She asked which just confused me. She was playing a mind game with me which I didn't appreciate, I was too tired to even comprehend any secret meaning she meant.

"Um...I don't know maybe on my lap?" I almost laughed. She shook her head and then crossed her arms. I could tell she was also tired and didn't have time for me to be stupid.

"I mean where. Ohio or LA?" She raised her eyebrows at me. "Look, when I'm on tour I love it because I'm with Tyler and we're touring the world. What's not to love? Part of me still feels like crying sometimes because I'm not at home, in a house that's not on wheels. If you're homesick it's normal" she lectured.

"I want to be here, for you and Ollie" I tried to convince her.

"Go home, take Jim and go home. Spend some time in your house. It felt like a breath of fresh air when we got home and I think you need some fresh air"

"I don't want to. I promised Tyler" she walked over to me and hugged me tightly.

"Lillie told me you threw up. I also noticed that you have been throwing up a lot in the night. Go home and take care of yourself. I want you to" she said into my hair.