Expressing Thoughts-J.D

-42-

"Where do you think you're going?" Jenna's voice boomed through the room as I threw clothes out of my closet.

"New York" I answered, I watched as her eyes widened. She started pulling clothes out of my suitcase as I put them in.

"Why on earth are you going to New York?" I pushed her off my suitcase but she just sat inside it so I couldn't do anything.

"Because Josh is there, and he doesn't like me at the moment so I need to go and make him like me again" I said as if it were obvious but it just made her eyes widen even more. I went over to my dresser and pulled out more clothes to put in my suitcase.

"Why doesn't he like you at the moment?" She tried desperately to focus me but I all I could think about was Josh.

"There was a bird and then Luke and the bird wouldn't go and Josh was calling and Luke kissed my forehead loudly" I tried to summarise everything but it just sounded like gibberish.

"A bird? Luke was here?" She tried to untangle my words as she sat in my case.

"Yes, there was a bird and Josh and Tyler laughed at me. Luke turned up, got rid of the bird and then Josh called again. He heard Luke and got mad, Luke kissed my forehead loudly as he left and Josh thought he had kissed me. He got all pissy, now he won't answer my calls and he answers all my texts bluntly." My voice was strained from frustration.

"Stop, stop. I will talk to Tyler" she held my shoulders, climbing out of my suitcase. I stopped for a second as she spoke, talking to Tyler was a good idea because he will know what to do and he could talk to Josh. What if Josh doesn't want to marry me anymore? What if he thinks he can't trust me to be alone?

"Talk to Josh, please. I can't cancel another wedding Jenna please" tears formed in my eyes even thinking about it. I watched as Jenna's face dropped then she started to nod vigorously.

She pulled out her phone and dialled a number, I placed myself on the bed and waited for her to say something. She muttered some swear words before re dialling, the silence was slicing me inside. She spoke a few more bad words before she dialled once again.

"Tyler?" She burst, my eyes widened. "Yes yes yes, put Josh on the phone now" she held a thumbs up at me and we both waited.

"Is he coming?" I whispered, terrified of the answer.

"Joshua William Dun, what on earth do you think you are doing?" She suddenly yelled, I jumped but I was glad she was doing this. Jenna was one of the few people I would let whoop Josh's ass. "Frankly Josh, I don't care what happened, she could've cheated on you for all I care but that does not mean you just blank her completely." She continued.

"Tell him I'm sorry" I whispered but she held up her finger to shush me as she turned around to keep talking to him.

"No! You two are about to get married, when you have arguments in a marriage you don't just ignore them! That's the kind of behaviour that makes mountains out of molehills" it was as if she had prepared the speech already. "Well I think if you just talk to her then you'll see that it's much less dramatic than you are making it out to be"

"Jenna, I wanna talk to him" I whined, I needed to sort this out.

"Josh, you've never had an issue talking to her before" she said quietly, thinking I couldn't hear. Why didn't he want to talk to me? What was wrong with me? Eventually, she turned to me and passed me the phone.

"Josh?" My voice was small, scared.

"Hey, I'm sorry Sage. I over reacted" he sounded tired.

"Have you been sleeping okay?" I asked, Jenna's face became confused and I could bet my life so did Josh's. I gave her a look which she received well before she left the room.

"Not great, it's weird sleeping alone" the strain in his voice made me want to cry.

"Why won't you talk to me? Why won't you listen to me?" I started to cry silently, I didn't want him to hear me like this.

"I have spent every second of this week, fantasising about seeing you, being with you. I just...lost it when the thought of some other guy seeing you and being with you" I wiped my tears, trying to calm myself by taking deep breathes.

"This is so pathetic, neither of us can go a week without seeing each other" I let out a hoarse laugh that was full of tears.

"Only a few more days, and then..."

"You'll be back to marry me" I repeated his words from when he left.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you from the bird" he said after a long silence.

"I'm sorry I let Luke into the house" I confessed.

"Ugh that boy has another thing coming his way" he joked, at least I hoped it was a joke. "What did he say to you?"

"He was just asking about the wedding, we haven't spoken since our housewarming party so it was very awkward."

"Was he mean to you?" I could feel the tiredness in his voice. He sounded as if he hadn't slept in days.

"I stood my ground" I smiled, hoping he would be smiling too.

"That's my girl" I soaked up his happy voice while I could.

"Josh, promise me you will get some sleep" he let out a moan.

"I'll try baby" it came as more of a whisper.

"Call me if you can't sleep, I'll talk to you until you do" I pressed the phone hard against my ear as if it would bring us closer.

"I love you so much Sage"

"I love you too Josh, I'll see you on Wednesday" my heart ached for him, it was horrible to be away from him. He ended the call, leaving me alone again in this huge house.

"Everything okay?" Jenna threw her head around the door.

"Yeah, how do you feel about having all the girls over tomorrow night? I need a girls night." I rubbed my forehead to try and get all the stress out of me.

"Yeah totally! I'll go put it in the group chat? Do you want anything?" She was being too nice to me, it made it seem as if I was fragile. I was acting fragile, I was acting insane since Josh was the slightest bit off with me which happened to freak me out.

"I'm fine, I'm gonna have a bath" I just needed to relax because everything was fine, Josh still loved me, Luke was gone, I'm going to get married on Saturday and everything's going to me fine.

Once I had filled up the bath and put all the bath bombs and other stuff in it, I slipped into it. I closed my eyes, hoping that my worries and paranoia would evaporate like the steam. I couldn't stop thinking about Josh, that's supposed to be a sign of love but it was just hurting my head. I slid underneath the water, it was warm. I could hear weird sounds, they were loud enough to make my thoughts go away.

"Sage!" I heard someone scream. Jenna's face appeared above me, she grabbed me and pulled my up from the water. I took a loud breath as Mu face hit the air.

"What?" I asked once I had caught my breath. Jenna just looked shocked, her eyes welled up as she stared at me. "Jenna, what?" My voice became worried.

"I just walked in and you were holding yourself underwater!" she burst, my eyes widened at her response.

"No! I was just trying to get my thoughts to stop, to calm myself down" she calmed down a bit, sitting back on the floor against the wall.

"Are you okay Sage? Don't lie to me, tell me if you're okay" her voice was stern.

"I am okay. I just miss Josh." I pushed a smile to convince her, she nodded and threw her head back so it was against the wall.

Josh was driving me crazy and he wasn't even here.

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Can anyone recommend some good Josh Dun fanfics? I feel like I can't find any juicy ones.