Expressing Thoughts-J.D

-59-

I sat across from Jenna and next to Tyler. It was clear who was couples with who but I knew that Josh and Tyler wanted to seem like they are going on a date together.

"Congratulations to Sage, may she take over the make up world!" Jenna raised her glass and we all raised ours with her. Josh grinned at me with all his heart and kissed my cheek firmly.

"Never been as proud as I am now" he whispered in to me as he kissed me.

"So Sage, are you going to get your own office?" Jenna asked. I had never thought about the perks that would come with the job so I just shrugged.

"I really don't know, all I know is that they are giving me a chance to prove I can make a good make up line" I laughed at how lucky I was they wanted me.

"That's amazing, especially since Jess wasn't the most organised boss ever" Jenna sneered.

"I told her about my new job" I confessed which made her eyes widen.

"What? What did she say?" Jenna pleaded.

"She thought she was still my boss, she was like 'I have a ton of stuff planned' but I knew she didn't. I can't live like that" I complained and everyone round the table nodded. "Anyway, to my new job!" We all clinked glasses.

"This is just what you needed, it couldn't be better timing!" Tyler spurted but then went quite when he realised what he had suggested. Everyone went quiet until I rolled my eyes at them all.

"You could not be more right. When life knocks you down, you get back up again!" I said a little too enthusiastically, Tyler gave me a kind smile while he other's just looked really awkward. "Can we not have a stigma surrounding my miscarriage please? It's been a while, I am not damaged goods anymore" It was partly true but I could tell no one believed it.

"Sorry Sage" Jenna said as if she had just been told off.

"Meredith Grey had a miscarriage in Grey's anatomy, no one looked at her like she was broken for ages after that. For gods sake, all her husband did was hug her and then they moved on" I was starting to get angry. Josh put his hand on my thigh as if to try and calm me down.

"That's a tv show Sage" Josh said to me as if I were a child. I squinted my eyes at him, I couldn't believe what he was saying. I looked around the table to see three people full of pity for me so I stood up and walked to the bathroom. They all called after me as I walked away and then Jenna got up and followed me into the bathroom.

"Jen, I'm so fed up of people treating me as if I'm about to break. I was fine with what Tyler said, for God's sake I agreed!" I ran my hand through my hair.

"I get it, you don't want to be treated as if something life changing had happened to you but that's what it is Sage, life changing. You can't just pretend that it didn't happen, as if your life didn't change" Jenna watched as I had a hissy fit.

"I'm not pretending it didn't happen, it happened I get that but now I would like to move on from it." Jenna sighed, clearly I wasn't understanding.

"It's not that easy Sage"

"I get that it's going to take a long time but I'm already getting better. Yesterday at Kristin's, I talked and played with Mercy. Before, I couldn't even look at a child without my stomach lurching. I'm making progress" Jenna let out a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay, I believe you" she opened the bathroom door to reveal Josh waiting outside. She exited so I could talk to him.

"I'm alright" I said as I walked out of the bathroom.

"I know, I wanted to say sorry for how I spoke to you" he looked sad which hurt badly. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly. He kissed my neck loudly, causing me to erupt in giggles and then we both went back to the table to find all our food laid out.

"So, you two still haven't been on a honeymoon. Where are you looking to go?" Tyler asked.

"Well, I want to go somewhere European like Spain or Greece but Josh is so set on Australia" I said it as if I was so underprivileged.

"We've already been to Australia" Tyler pointed out what I had been telling Josh for months.

"Thank you! That's what i said. Let's go somewhere new, like to a little island off Spain or one of the Greek islands. What about Italy?" I suggested.

"Okay, we can look but we don't even know if we are going to be able to do it with you working and having important meetings and me touring again." Josh reasoned.

"Okay but we need to settle on something so that when we have an opening we can slide right in there and go"

We ate all of our dinner, I almost forgot we had made a huge scene after a few glasses of wine. We all got super drunk except for Jenna who was driving and then stumbled back to her car afterwards.

Josh and I got in the back seat, I couldn't stop giggling at him while he slurred every word he said. I moved to the middle seat so we were closer and he started to kiss my cheek. I laughed as it tickled so I just turned my head so we could make out.

My hand were all up in his hair while his were up my dress, he was playing with the hem of my underwear but I was not about to have sex in Tyler's car. I kept moving his hand back down but he kept shoving it up. Clearly the long time with no sex had got to him.

We said goodnight to Jenna and Tyler and practically crawled towards our door. I tried to get the key in while Josh placed himself behind me and started to kiss my neck. I unlocked the door and spun around so I could kiss him back.

We tried to climb the stairs while kissing but we didn't make it very far so we let go and ran up the stairs. Josh kicked our bedroom door open and picked me up, he was clearly very excited about this whole thing.

He took off his shirt and trousers while I just laid on the bed giggling to myself. He collapsed back down onto me and started to grind against me. Suddenly, I was as excited as he was and was kissing him back harder than ever. His tongue was almost addictive, he licked my lips, my neck, my tongue.

"Josh, please not the stomach" I whined subconsciously. I saw the conflict behind his eyes until he came up with an idea. I yelped as he spun me round so I was laying on my stomach and started laugh even more.

"Okay, not the stomach" he mumbled to himself as he lined himself up.