Expressing Thoughts-J.D

-18-

It was as if my life was going too well. As if God decided I had had enough happiness. It was as if the vacation was over and real life kicked in. Now that I had a job, I had to fly places with Jess and go to red carpet events with her. Josh had to go to the studio most days to write and record with Tyler. It was a lot.

After a while, we got even busier. It got to a point where Josh would stay over at Tyler's so they could continue writing through the night. I would text Jenna just to make sure he actually was at Tyler's and not cheating on me or something. I told myself that once they finished the album, it would get quieter. I wasn't sure of it but it was good to tell myself.

Whenever he did come home, he would be tired but to be fair so would I. He was still the same josh whenever I did see him but i needed more of him for me to be the same me. Sometimes I would go away for a few days, come back and there would be a note saying he was at Tyler's.

After a couple of months, it seemed as if we never saw each other. I thought a lot about what it was like before. I never wanted to give up on Josh but it seemed as though he was giving up on me. Whenever I would mention my job he would sigh, he would shut my computer and kiss me until I would say no.

One night, I was on my computer in his seat, the high chair at the island, I was going to New York with Jess the following day so I was checking my flights and texted Jess to tell her what her looks are. Josh opened our front door and noticed me on the island. It was as if I didn't exist, he walked into the bedroom and shut the door behind him. I had had enough.

"Josh!" I yelled and waited for him to come into the living room. He looked agitated when he did so and it almost broke my heart.

"Yeah?" He slumped against the wall as if he were a hormonal teen.

"What? I don't get a hello?" I folded my arms. He walked towards me as if he were being forced to and kissed me quickly. My heart ached, he was acting as if he didn't love me.

"Hi" he turned back around but I grabbed his hand. He looked into my eyes and suddenly his shifted to my laptop screen. "You didn't tell me you were going away tomorrow" he let go of my hand and looked at my screen. "New York?"

"I swear I told you" my mind raced, i could've sworn I had told him about this when we planned it. He took a deep breath and looked pissed.

"Nope" he turned away from me but I pulled his arm again. "Sage" he moaned.

"Josh what is wrong with you recently?" I knew what was wrong with him but I wanted to hear him say it.

"You're always away! I know I am too but still, I want you to be here when I get home. You're never here when I get home" he complained like a child.

"I have a job Josh" I placed my hand on his cheek but he moved it away.

"I know. I don't like it" he mumbled.

"What?" I heard him but I started to get angry.

"I don't like your job. I never see you and sometimes the only person I want to see when I get home from the studio is you" he looked sad, it hurt.

"But, I love my job" what do you say when your boyfriend says he hates your job? It's impossible to be right.

"I know and that's why it's even more difficult" He was almost pouting at this point.

"You can't hate me for loving my job" his eyes connected with mine as i spoke, I hoped me proved me wrong.

"I don't hate you" he stared straight at me.

"Well, Do you still love me?" I felt so insecure, the way he was staring down at me and the answer to this question scared me beyond belief.

"What kind of a fucking question is that Sage?" He moved away from me as if I had offended him.

"You said it yourself, we never see each other anymore! You haven't told me you love me in a while, how am I supposed to know"

"I don't have to tell you every five seconds as if I'm proving it to you" he looked so angry.

"I know we have both been busy but it doesn't take two seconds. You used to tell me every moment you had a chance and now nothing" I threw my hands in the air dramatically.

"Why can't you just be patient?" He yelled, I jumped but then I was confused. I honestly had no idea what he was on about, he looked scared as if he had said something he shouldn't have.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing" he muttered.

"So do you?" I ignored his comment.

"What?"

"Love me?" My voice shook as I spoke, I was so terrified of the answer. He walked up to me and held my head in his hands.

"Of course I fucking love you. Do you realise how hard these few months have been, where we have both been away from each other?" I met out a small sigh of relief and smiled. "Do you remember back on tour when you were away looking after your dad? That almost killed me. Imagine how much it hurt being so close to you but still far away" he spoke so passionately.

"So why do you ignore me?" I felt tears coming on.

"I don't ignore you" His eyes made him look in pain.

"You literally ignored me when you walked in today" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I needed to call Tyler" he excused himself.

"You were just with Tyler" I pointed out.

"Well I thought of something I forgot to tell him"

"You could've called him in here"

"I wanted to call him in there"

"Why are you being like this?" I walked away from him but he grabbed my arm to pull me back.

"Don't go to New York" he seemed as if he was begging. I raised my eyebrows

"What?"

"Don't go to New York. Tell Jess you can't go, do what you did when we went to the Bahamas." I pleased.

"Josh I can't just..."

"I want to spend this weekend with you, I love you Sage and I'm not getting enough of you" he pulled me towards him seductively. I really felt as if I couldn't say no to him.

"So come to New York with me. We can make a trip of it, we could spend the whole weekend there!" I suggested, he turned his eyes away from me.

"I don't know..."

"You said you wanted to spend the weekend with me. Come to New York, I'll be away for the Friday night but Saturday and Sunday I am yours. We could even stay on to Monday if we wanted to" I started to become excited about a whole weekend with Josh.

"I'll talk to Ty" he pulled out his phone but then paused, he walked towards me and kissed me softly. I balanced my forehead against his as he pulled away and smiled. "I love you so much Sage, I never want you to forget that" he smiled.

I took his phone from him and put it in my back pocket. I snaked my arms around his neck and kissed him hard, he kissed back almost immediately and pushed me against the wall. My hands ran up his shirt to feel his body, one of my favourite things about him. He took it off before pressing himself to me again his kissed roamed all over me. I hadn't felt this good in a long time.

Suddenly, my butt started vibrating. I let out a long sigh as I realised it was Josh's phone. I took it out and saw the name read 'Tyler'. I handed it to him before he gave me a sympathetic look. He gave me one last kiss before answering the call.

"Say hi for me" I walked away from him and towards the refrigerator to get some water.

I heard him mutter a few things then I heard my name be mentioned. I turned around to see Josh quickly glance my way before jogging into the bedroom. What on earth were they talking about?