Once Upon A Dream (Kris Bryant)

18- Hidden Feelings

Jayden

"So when does your album get released" Kris asks as we make lunch in the kitchen.

"End of August, on the 21st. All the songs are recorded and set up the way we like it. They're making hard copies and getting it set up on iTunes and Spotify and a bunch of other things that I couldn't explain to you if my life depended on it. It'll be available for preorder and we'll release one song on Friday. Probably the first track since we have a music video for that one. So it's going to be busy with that and the all-star game this weekend but it'll be fun" I shrug.

"Are you excited to be releasing your first album" he questions.

"Very. I'm a little nervous because these songs are me. If a lot of people don't like the songs, then they don't like me" I explain.

"Do you really care" he asks.

"Kind of. Since I was a little girl I dreamed about making music for people. Telling my story and connecting to people out there who feels the way I do. And this is my first album, I already proved that I have what it takes but I don't want to be a one hit wonder. I want that sustainable type of success that goes beyond music" I explain.

"And there isn't a single doubt in my mind that you cannot do just that. If someone doesn't like your music that's okay, it just means they don't understand or they don't want to understand. You're talking about some heavy stuff, much heavier than what most people sing about nowadays. It's going to scare some people, but for the people who need to hear it most it will mean the world to them. That's all that matters" he assures me.

I set down the paring knife I had and turn to him. I pull him into a hug and he doesn't hesitate to hug back. I wish I could explain just how much that meant to me.

"Separate or be sepersted" a voice says and I sigh. I was getting really tired of this shit.

"Anthony" I whine as Kris reluctantly lets me go.

"I don't want to hear it" he insists.

"You wouldn't listen anyway" I mumble and he sighs.

"Jayden, I really don't want to do this right now" he claims.

"And I don't want to do this anymore" I argue back. The room falls silent as Anthony and I stare at one another. Even Kris was surprised. Usually when Anthony cock blocked I let it go, but it's been nearly three months, I can only take it so much.

"What do you mean by that" he asks.

"I mean I don't want to live like this anymore. Anthony... I care for Kris. I care so much and I don't have any thing to show for it. That's not fair to him and that's not fair to me. I'm not sure what your problem is, why you're so against me being happy with Kris, but it's getting really old" I say.

"I'm just protecting you" he argues.

"Protecting me from what? From being happy? From being in a relationship? There's not a thing that you're doing that I can't do for myself. At this point I would much rather be heartbroken because at least I would have a actual reason for hurting so much" I defend.

"I'm just doing what's best for you" he claims.

"No Anthony... you're doing what's best for you. I know you don't want to share me and you don't want Kris to mean something to me that you can't. I get it, but you're supposed to be my best friend. You're supposed to look out for me but not control my life. I've let you do this for this long because I trust you. I would put my life in your hands and trust that you would protect me until your last breath. But instead you put me on strings like a puppet and played around with me. That really sucks because for the first 23 years of my life I never would have thought that the same person trying to protect me would be the one who hurt me. But you are Anthony. You're suffocating me, I'm choking on all this shit you're shoving down my throat and I'm just about over it" I yell. He stares at me not really sure what to say. We've never argued or fought before. We've had our share of issues but they always seemed to work themselves out. But this one has been building up for far too long and I was over it.

"Jayden, you're right. I don't want you running off with someone else because then I can't protect you. If you run off with Kris and something happens to you... I won't be able to live with myself. All I wanted was for you to come here and be everything you're supposed to be, and you are. And I know for a fact that if you were in a relationship with Kris or anyone like that you wouldn't be doing this good right now. We're gone a lot and the media always seems to find a way to butt in and mess things up. I don't want you to have that" he claims.

"You're not getting it. You're not listening Anthony. I don't care about that stuff. I don't care about him being home because I know for a fact that every second he's gone he's thinking of me. And every second he's here he's reminding me why it's so hard to be apart. I know he can break my heart, he could do a lot of things that would destroy me. But there comes a point where none of that shit matters and we're way past that" I explain.

"If this was such a problem why did you wait three months to say something" he wonders.

"You let me stay in your home and took me around the city and to games. I am more than greatful for what you have done for me and I didn't want to step on your toes. You have given me no reason to not trust what you said so I listened. I backed away and shoved away these obviously feelings that I was experiencing. But each time I had to hide a smile or retract a hug, it killed me. I was slowly being drowned by all the emotions I was forced to hold in and I can't take it anymore. Kris... he has been nothing but patient. He's been doing the same thing but a lot louder than I have. There comes a point where we can't do this anymore... and this is it" I insist.

"So what? After everything I've done for you you go running off with Kris" he asks.

"That's not even close to what I was saying. I don't know what to say to get it though your thick skull" I yell. He lets out a huff before taking off for the door. "You can't just run away every time you hear something you don't like. Act like a man for once" I scream.

"I'm not just a man. I'm supposed to be your bestfriend" he claims.

"Then be my best friend. Stay up late and watch chick flicks with me and then let's fall asleep on the couch. Let's go to a Blackhawks game and yell profanities at the other team until someone tells us to shut up. There's so much we can do as best friends that doesn't effect my relationship with Kris" I explain.

"Unless a relationship with Kris means no more relationship with me" he claims.

"It's only like that if you make it like that" I argue.

He says nothing and walks out the door. I let out a sigh as tears come up. I feel a pair of arms around me and Kris' cologne fills my senses. He rubs my arms as I let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry" he says.

"Yeah Kris... me too."