43- Hope

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Kris

"So you have Jason Heyward and John Lackey on your team now? Man, I'm starting to see why the Cardinals don't like you guys" Jayden laughs.

"I kinda love the idea of building a super-team with their players" I admit.

"That's just cruel" she admits shaking her head.

It was the end of janurary and we had been in this hospital in New York for three weeks now. She was doing a lot better than when she first got here and doctors were great. They've been doing physical therapy to make sure the muscle and tissue damage that the infection caused was being undone. We were basically here until the doctors felt that she was safe to go home. That her blood is getting to where it needs to be and it's not still infected. Her appendix was removed and her insides cleaned up but that only did so much.

She is definitely looking and sounding a lot better than she did a few weeks ago. She was getting her strength back and was more talkative.

But until the doctor feels like she was well enough to fly back home she was stuck here with me. They gave us some board games like connect four and uno to play. And once we broke the connect four game because someone, not me, lost and threw it across the room then someone, definitely me, threw all the cards around the room when they had to draw 12 we were starting to run out of things to do.

So we started talking about baseball and how the cubs convention and spring training is coming up. I'm hoping we will both be home by then and kinda back to a normal life. They say that she can still feel off for about a year and a half after she got sick but she isn't like most normal people.

"So your infield is Anthony, Addi, Ben or Javy depending on where Joe plays Javy, and you. Thats literally insane" she says.

"Can we just talk about the pitching? I mean those are some mean dudes up there, and Kyle" I laugh. My goal in life is to be as calm and cool as he is.

"Man, I wish we could get Dexter back. I'm going to miss him and his family" Jayden admits.

"Yeah, we're going to need a leadoff guy who does what he does. Maybe Kyle" I shrug.

"I miss him too" she claims.

"You miss everyone" I laugh.

"I do" she sighs.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean it like that. I know you want to be home" I ramble.

"It's okay Kris. I know what you meant" she insists.

"Still" I shake my head.

"I know this sucks and I know you feel helpless but it's just how it is. A terrible thing happened but I'm only getting stronger" she claims.

"I know that. I just hate that it did happen to you. Out of all people why did it happen to you? You have done nobody wrong, you love unconditionally and you make this world a brighter place. I never imagined anything like this to happen to you because I didn't think anyone could touch you.

Then that day that haunts my dreams came and I couldn't stand it. How can someone so great have such a terrible thing happen to them?

I understand that things like this happen and I get that you're going to be okay. But what I don't get is why I'm the one so upset about it and you're so calm" I admit.

"Calm? I'm a lot of things but calm is not one of them. I didn't think my stomach ache would turn into me fighting for my life. But no matter what I'm feeling it won't change the fact that this is my reality. And I would love to sit here and pout and curse at the world for doing this to me but I won't. I won't let this get the best of me and I won't let it define me. I am who I am because of where I've been, and I've been through some shit. But I'm still breathing, my heart is still beating therefore I can't complain all that much. I want to be mad, but that will only hurt me more. All I can do is put a smile on my face and count my blessings, because if I learned anything from this is that I have a lot more blessings than problems" she explains.

"How? How do you think like that" I ask.

"Hope" she smiles and I couldn't help it. My lips pull tight and I shake my head.

"Man, you are really something else."

We end up watching Disney movies like we like we would have been doing back in Chicago anyway. I sit on the bed with her when the doctors aren't looking and we sing along to Hercules and the Lion King. We order whatever food they had prepared for Jayden and try our best to enjoy it.

"Does the new place have a nice sized kitchen" she asks as she pushes a limp piece of chicken to the side.

"It's huge. The island holds up to six people and there's six burners" I tell her.

"That sounds lovely" she admits. "What else is there" she asks.

"Well it has two rooms but I was thinking about taking the second room and turning it into a workout slash music room since this apartment complex doesn't have its own gym. You can see Wrigley from the master bedroom, it's really cool actually. There's a little deck with a hot tub for the winter and chairs for the summer. The living room is all open with the kitchen and is fully furnished. I was hoping you would still put some personal touches to it" I admit.

"Would you really have been okay if I said no to moving in" she asks.

"Yeah, but I would just be okay. I know we've only known each other for ten months and actually have been together for less than that. But I know for a fact that I am going to spend the rest of my life with you. It wasn't a matter of if you would move in, but when" I shrug.

"Oooh is someone bit cocky, that isn't like you" she teases.

"I can be cocky" I insist.

"No you can't" she insists.

"No I can't" I agree and she giggles.

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