Station 11

trente-trois

Mom called me yesterday. She told me that she asked the hospital, if I could spent a weekend with her. I did miss her and wanted to see her, but Jisoo also told me that Junhui would come back this weekend. And mom also told me that we will be a huge surprise that I shouldn't miss out. I didn't want to disappoint my mom, so I said yes. Her happiness was very clear on the phone.

Now I was sitting on a bench waiting for mom to pick me up. I was looking around and just wanted to see Junhui before I left. He should've been back before breakfast, but he didn't appear at all and nobody knew anything about him. 

"Minghao", a familiar voice finally appeared next to me. I looked into my mom's eyes. They were full with happiness and energy. She gave me a hug and a feeling of home was going through my body. I missed her.

"Let's go. I brought an extra jacket for you. You know that the winters are crazy here. And with that jeans jacket you are wearing now, you will freeze. She gave me my old winter jacket and we left the hospital. I was excited to go home, after staying here for nearly a year.

"How's it going for you, mom?", I asked her as we entered the car.

"It's a bit lonely without you, darling. But I got used to it. But after a time I couldn't stand it any longer and wanted to see you again. And I finally have you back", she started the car as she was talking and gave me a smile.

"If you wouldn't have put me in here, you could still see me everyday", I accidently blurrted out.

"Minghao", mom stayed calm and took a deep breath. "If I wouldn't have put you here, you could be dead already. I know it sounds harsh, but it's the truth", she said and I hated the fact, that she was right.

"I never told you this, but for 6 months I was also visiting your therapist Dr. Nam and she taught me how to be a better mother"

"You are already a great mom", I told her and she smiled again, but also shook her head.

"But not, when we had our typical discussion about meals. You know that I tried anything to cook that you might eat and you hated all of this. It was very stressful. She gave me a few good tips how to handle a situation like this better"

She was sometimes so frustrated that she took a spoon and forced me to eat or screamed at me while throwing my plate against a wall. I remember these things clearly. 

"I'm sorry for giving you that stress", I said and she immediately shook her head again.

"No, I stressed myself with it. I couldn't admit that my son was sick instead of helping you in the right way. I am sorry", she said and sighed.

"But I am thankful that you brought me to the hospital", I confessed.

"Really?"

"Yes" I couldn't tell her about Junhui. I was scared to tell her that I had a boyfriend. We never talked about these things before, so I didn't know if she was okay with it.

We finally arrived and my heart rate was going up as I opened the door to my room. Everything stayed the same, was what mom said. And it was true. Nearly true. My weight scale was missing  that I was hiding in my closet and my diary where all the information about calories and good exercises were written down. But I didn't complain.

I sat down onto my bed and looked around. Without Chan it felt empty to be in a bedroom. I decided to lie down and stared at my ceiling. My brain couldn't stop thinking about Junhui. Was he back? Was he upset that I left? Did he know that we will have group therapy? Did he know that I was gone for the entire weekend?

Mom interrupted my thoughts as she was knocking on my door.

"Is everything alright? I am sorry that I took your book and scale away. I needed to do this", she said and sat down next to me.

"No, that's not the thing. I feel a little bit strange being here again. It doesn't feel like home anymore. It's kinda strange", I said and she nodded.

"I can understand you", she said and smiled. "I couldn't enter this house for months when you left and it still feels weird for me coming here, too"

"Where did you stay at?"

"Different hotels or at friends' places. I hate this house. It's full with bad memories", she admitted and stood up again.

"Let's go to the living room. I have something to tell you. It's my surprise", she said and dragged me up.

"Why can't you tell me here?", I whined, but still followed her.

"Be quiet and come with me", she chuckled. Mom was never the person that was giggling around. She was a serious person and dedicated to work. She was barely laughing or enjoying her time. But now she seemed so stress-free. It seemed like Dr. Nam did help her a lot.

"Sit down on the couch", she said, while she was quickly taking some books away from the table.

My child has anorexia nervosa. What can I do?

How control yourself, when your child develops an eating disorder.

How does anorexia nervosa work? A counselor for parents

She did really tried to help me. She did really take her time to read these books instead of working  all day.

"So", she said and folded her hands. "I was invited by some friends of us to eat dinner together tomorrow"

"Oh", I was panicking. "Who?"

"Minah's family", she said and my mind went blank. While mom was waiting for any positive reaction.

"What?", was all I could say.

"You heard me. But you seem not so pleased. Aren't you happy to see your girlfriend again?", she asked me.

I've never told her. I realized that I never had the time to tell her. 

"Mom, I never told you that, but she broke up with me months ago before I had to go to the hospital", I said and her smile faded.

"What? Why?", she was confused.

"She was sick of my eating disorder and was disgusted by my body", I said and mum's expression changed again. She looked angry.

"That fucking bitch", she hissed and apologized after that. She never wanted me to hear these words. I was surprised.

"We still have to go Minghao. We promised it to them. Sorry, I didn't know about this"

"Mom, don't tell me that you will get your revenge from them. Please, you are an adult and she is a young girl"

She just laughed again. "I don't care who she is. If she treats my son like that, I'll get it back.

She stood up and walked to the kitchen, leaving me in the couch with my mouth wide open. 

This chapter fucking sucks, but I want to tease y'all and not bring Junhui back immediately. But if you are so thirsty for our prince of China, you can check out my new Junhoon story: love is a dog from hell! (shamelessly does promo)