Station 11

For all the ones still struggling.

Writing a story like Station 11 comes with a lot of mixed emotions even after finishing it. Most of the people that got interested in this story are probably people that relate to the struggles of these characters. And it's okay if you do. And it's okay if you need to come back to this story everytime you feel like you are falling apart again. 

If you are struggling with your food and weight and identify with Minghao the most, I hope Dr. Nam's words stay in your mind. The dialogue between Minghao and Dr. Nam was mainly inspired by my own sessions with my therapist or stories that my friends told me about their therapist. And the words Dr. Nam says are (for me) some of the greatest quotes I got from therapy. They helped me so much and I really hope they can help you, too. It is freaking hard to get over an eating disorder. No matter if it's Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia or any thing else. But there is help. There is amazing help. There will always be times where you might relapse in the future, a certain trigger word that just throws you back to the time you were at your worst. And that voice might rise up again in your head. Wanting you to do all the terrible things again you used to do. And not everyone here has a Junhui that can take these voices away and help you find a new voice. A much more positive voice. Sometimes you have to be your own Junhui. You have to find your own, positive voice. I know that giving into this hate in you is so much easier than fighting against it. But the more you give into it, the harder it will be to ever get out of it and the worse it will make you feel. This story, mixing my own emotions and experience into it helped me more than I thought. Writing down my own darkest times conflicted with these characters was somehow my own way of therapy. And seeing people using this story to help themselves get better makes me glad that I never gave up on this story. I gave Minghao a happy ending to show you that there is hope. And you can win if you fight hard enough. You will win. I sometimes regret that I didn't focus more on Minghao's eating struggles, but on Minghao's relationship with Junhui. But ever since that one person messaged me and said that Junhui's love for Minghao could be a hidden message for Minghao's lost self love that he needed to find in his Station 11 journey, I couldn't help but see my own story in a different view.

If you feel like you are stuck in Chan's situation there is also so much incredible help. I didn't give him a happy ending, because no matter how much it hurts, some people can't get their hope back. My two biggest inspirations, Sulli and Hara passing away due to suicide made me realize what kind of an effect it gives you when you lose people. It hurts like hell. No it hurts so much, there are no words even I as a writer can choose. I decided to give Chan that fate to show that no matter how alone you feel and how much you see death as the only option, there is still so much love around you. And I am not only talking about the other boys in the story. I am also talking about myself and you. I loved Chan so much in that story. And so did you probably. Writing the chapter with Chan passing away was the hardest one to write. And the first time I wrote a Station 11 chapter while I was bawling my eyes out. This type of Chan never exsited, it was just a personality I made up in my head, but having to say goodbye to him was painful af.
Even if I don't know anything about you, the fact that you are still here, reading this, while you are breathing, while your heart is still beating makes me proud of you. I am happy that you are still here with me. With us. And I really hope that you are planning on staying here with us for an even longer time.

I really hope I'll see you soon,
Mel