Station 11

quarante.

We decided not to tell anybody yet that we were back together. I would feel bad for Wonwoo. But it was pretty obvious since we were really close and talked more than we did in the past weeks. And we started to make jokes between us, too.

But nobody really said anything, until Mingyu and me were the only ones left after lunch with the nurse.

"You seem to be better with Junhui these days. Did you guys finally make up?", he asked me and leaned back, ready to hear my story.

But I just shook my head and stared at his shoulder instead of looking at his face. I already knew that Mingyu had an amused smile on his face.

"Don't lie", he whispered under a small chuckle.

"Wonwoo would be angry", was my only answer.

"Why? Because it's rude that Junhui feels happier again with you?", I just gave Mingyu a small nod.

"That's not true. Wonwoo said himself that Junhui would've never apologized this much if he didn't meet you. He realised all his mistakes after knowing how terrible it would be, when you find out. And you beat Junhui up anyway. That made him the happiest", Mingyu told me and laughed after his last sentence.

"But don't tell Wonwoo okay? Maybe Junhui will be mad that I told you", I demanded.

Mingyu chuckled again. "Wonwoo was the one who noticed it first. He probably already knows"

"Oh, okay fine", Mingyu laughed after seeing my embarrassed expression.

The nurse allowed us to leave after a few minutes and we went to the practice room and it was the first time that we were all together to practice. Soonyoung was our teacher for today and slowly showed us the new steps. Chan, Junhui and I could follow easily,  but the other boys, especially Wonwoo, were always messing up their steps.

"Don't rush yourself", Soonyoung told him. "Take your time it will look better afterwards. Don't feel bad that you are a bit slower than us. You never danced before that's fine"

Wonwoo gave Soonyoung a small nod and while we decided to take a break, Soonyoung took the time to do the steps again.

"You seem to like rap music, am I right?", Jihoon appeared next to me.

"What? I mean yes, but how do you know?", I asked him.

"Well, you did breakdance before and you always get excited when we dance to something that has more of a hip hop vibe", he told me and made me and Chan laugh, who was also listening to our conversation.

"Sorry, I forgot that you were an actual music genius", I said and he also laughed and denied my words.

"Why did you ask anyway?"

"Well do you like to rap yourself? Do you consider yourself as good? Would you like to be a rapper in the future? I have some ideas with what you can do with your voice", his excitement was written all over his face. I couldn't tell him that I never thought about doing music and that the first thing I want at the moment is to leave this hospital.

But I couldn't. Not again.

"I never tried it. But I would like to", I lied and Jihoon clapped his hands.

Junhui and I decided to go to the TV room, while we waited for the others to shower. I decided to talk to him about my conversation with Mingyu. He seemed fine and calm, which surprised me.

"Aren't you mad?", I asked him and he took my hand, while shaking his head.

"If they realise sooner, I don't have to hide it anymore. So I am glad that they start to wonder about us", he laughed as I rolled my eyes.

From the glass door we could see Chan being done with showering so we both stood up at the same time.

"Oh, you want to shower together?"

Yes. There it was. The old Junhui was back.

I jokingly hit his shoulder and made a hand gesture for him to leave.

"You go first. I can still wait", Junhui smiled and opened the door for me. I thanked him and went to the bathroom. The day seemed to be great and I felt happy and relaxed after a long time.

And then it hit me. I totally stopped thinking about my body. And even in my last sessions with Dr. Nam we only talked about Junhui, Wonwoo and me. I looked at the mirror and mustered my body. I didn't know how to feel about myself. I could clearly see my weight gain. My rips weren't that obvious anymore and my thighs seemed thicker. I lifted my arm and shivered when it was shaking a little.

I didn't want to fall into this hole again. But I forgot that I never got out of it. I just found another distraction in that hole. With all my mental force, I decided to ignore the facts and stepped into the shower. After turning it on, a small scream escaped my lips as ice cold water ran down my head and back.

With a chuckle I cursed Lee Chan and changed the temperature. While forcing myself to think of everything else, but my body and ended up thinking only about it. I pinched my thighs, my belly and my chin. I was disgusted at the thought that I could even pinch my chin and that slowly a double chin was going to be there.

Without even using shampoo I stopped the water, took a towel and stepped out. I was in front of the mirror again. Water was dripping from my hair and dropped onto the floor. I noticed my belly fat and it seemed like I was getting heavier by every second.

I was sent back to reality when someone knocked on the door.

My heart calmed down, when I heard Junhui's worried voice from outside.

"Minghao, is everything okay?"

I wrapped the towel around my body and slowly unlocked the door.

Hey.
There is not much to say from me so I just hope you enjoyed that chapter! Let's see how school will let me upload more but I think that in about 20 chapters the story will end^^
Bye