Station 11

trente-neuf

My eyes were staring onto the dark ceiling above me. I just wanted to make sure that Chan was asleep and didn't ask any questions if he'd catch me leaving.

I already knew that Junhui was waiting in front of my door. A few minutes ago I heard steps that stopped right at my door. I could also hear how his hands touched the doorhandle, but he didn't open the door.

I was slowly putting my blanket away from my body and put my legs onto the floor. I lifted the rest of my body up, until I sat on my bed, my back turned to Chan. I stood up and sighed, when my knees made a cracking sound.

I opened the door and saw Junhui's smiling face as a greeting. I smiled back and heard Chan whispering behind me.

"Have fun, guys"

We closed the door behind us and Junhui was holding my hand as we got up the stairs. A wave of different memories were going through my mind as I saw the door in front of me that would lead us outside.

My first kiss, our secret practices, Junhui talking about his past, Junhui crying, Junhui being drunk and all flirty, Junhui listening to my issues. Junhui.

He already opened the door and lead me outside. He was still holding my hand and we both knew how much we missed this place.

"They didn't take away that bench", he said and we sat down.

"Or they put it back for us", I told him.

"How was the practice with Wonwoo?", I asked him and he smiled.

"Pretty funny. He looked so weird, but he finally could master that move after I helped him for hours", he said and made me chuckle.

"I miss seeing you like that. I miss  you reacting like that", he suddenly said and I remembered his words from before.

He wanted to talk.

"Why? How was I before?", I wanted to know.

"After all...that happened, you didn't even look at me at first. Your face when you were beating me up, it was full with pain and something I've never seen before. Seeing somebody that you love being that hurt from something you did breaks you a lot", I felt my heart sting ,as I was recalling that day.

Just like he knew, Junhui put his hand onto my chest. I put my hands on top of his.

"And then, when you could look at me again, it was so cold, I could see the hate you were feeling towards me. Everytime we locked eyes, it was like another punch", he sighed as he was done with talking.

"I never hated you. I was just scared", I told him as I grabbed his hand tighter.

"I can't believe you", he whispered, while tearing up.

"I mean it. There was no day where I didn't think of you. I missed you like crazy, but I also thought it was wrong to be all lovey dovey with you", I tried to convince him, tried to show him what I really meant and felt. 

But he still thought of himself as a monster and kept apologizing, until the first tears left the corners of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks.

I cupped his face with my shaking hands and told him to look at me. His eyes met mine and before he could apologize again I pressed my lips onto his. Kissing him after all these weeks felt incredible. Feeling the softness and the warm breath coming from him, made me weak again. I started touching his neck, his face and his hair. I missed him so much and tried to feel everything in this small moment.

He stopped the kiss, out of breath and looked at me. His cheeks were still wet, so I kissed away his tears.

"I love you", I told him and to prove my words I gave him a small kiss again.

"I love you, too", he whispered back and kissed my forehead.

We began talking after that, while sitting on that bench, his arms around my shoulders and my head on his shoulder. I told him about the dinner night I had at Minah's and he couldn't stop laughing and cheering at my mom's behaviour. He told me about once, when I had a session Wonwoo and Junhui were at the TV room and were talking about the same interests they shared.

"He is also totally into cats and cute little kittens", he said with his eyes actually shining.

He also talked about how well he's been able to control his feelings especially his anger.

I told him, how proud it made me and I was happy that he didn't ask about me and how I was dealing with eating.

But he asked me another question instead that made me speechless.

"Minghao, are you a virgin?", he asked out of the blue. Seems like the Junhui I knew from the beginning was back.

"I don't know in what case you mean it. I did had something with Minah a few times, but-"

"But what? She was that bad?", he joked and made me laugh out loud.

"No, I mean I never had anything with a man", I ended my sentence from before and Junhui nodded as he understood.

"Do you want to? I mean would you like to have sex with a guy", he smiled and seemed confident again.

I shook my head and his smile dropped.

"No that's not what I meant", I felt my cheeks getting red.

"Hm?", was all Junhui said.

"I mean why should I do it with men, when I only want to do it with you", I whispered and felt my fingers in Junhui's hands as he laughed at my words.

"It's so fucking cringy that it's cute again", he said and kissed my forehead again.

"How about you?", I wanted to know and rolled my eyes after he gave me a huge smirk. 

"Just kidding, it's my first time...if you would leave my dad out", his voice cracked at the end.

"You should not let that asshole count", I told him and he laughed again.

"These are the words I like hearing from you. You can't even say sex, but describe it with 'something'", he couldn't talk properly, because of his laugh.

A few months ago, I would've been offended. I would think days about his words. But now I was just happy to see him laugh like this again.

"I really want to do more than just kiss you", he said as he calmed down.

"But I just can't fuck you here. In an actually psychiatry. Could be somebody's kink, but it's not mine. I want to do it somewhere special, not in a place I hate"

"Let's get out of here and then do what we want. Let's be free after that", I said to him, but also to myself.

"Yes", he relplied. "Let's get out of here first. Together"

Together.

Yoyo two chapters in one week! Motiviation is peeking! Thank you guys so much for all the welcoming comments in the last chapter! Hope you have a great week (and plsss I really need a Yesung ff plss)
Mel