Station 11

trente-cinq

The first group therapy was today. I was the last one to enter the room. Even Dr. Nam and one of the nurses was already there. I mumbeled a 'sorry' and sat down. I was sitting in the middle between Junhui and Wonwoo.
Junhui's facial expression changed, when I looked at him. He was nervous, even scared. But he tried to stay natural and calm while I looked at him. I was too scared to look at Wonwoo. It was my first time being with him, after he collapsed. I still felt guily for not getting help, only to listen about the things he was saying about Junhui
"Except for Minghao, I talked with you about my plans for this and the other sessions that will happen in the future", Dr. Nam started and the boys all nodded.
"Let's start with you Junhui. Describe everybody in this room in one sentence", all our heads turned to his direction. Even Wonwoo looked up.

"Well, uhm, Minghao is in my eyes beautiful", he started and I noticed his cheeks getting red. His voice was so different.

"Okay. Now what about Mingyu?", Dr. Nam continued.

"I want to be like him. I mean, I want to be a good and caring person. I see him like that", he said and looked at the floor.

"Okay. And now say something about Wonwoo", she said and the room was immediatly quiet. Wonwoo looked away, Junhui pressed his lips together. The clock was ticking.

"Uhm, he-"
Junhui stopped and took a deep breath.
"Wonwoo has a very strong personality. That he was able to go on even when I was doing this to him is incredible", Junhui pressed out of his lungs and Dr. Nam smiled.

"That was very good. Now Wonwoo, what do you think about Junhui's words?", she wanted to know.

"He knows nothing. The things I tried to do weren't strong. And it's all his fault", he whispered, but it was still clear enough for us all to understand.

Dr. Nam sighed and slightly nodded. "Then how do you see Junhui? Describe him, too.

"I will never understand him. The things he did, the things he is doing right now and probably also everything he will do in the future. Right now he doesn't seem like the person who bullied me. He seems nicer, more friendly", he said and was finally able to look Junhui into the eyes. It lasted only for a second.

"I see. And so you think he changed over the years?"
Wonwoo only nodded.
"Into a better person?"
Wonwoo nodded again.
"What do you think was the reason for that?"
Wonwoo only looked at me. The answer was obvious.

The rest of the session went on like that. Dr. Nam was asking Junhui and Wonwoo questions and they only answered with one or a few words. They were too uncomfortable.

We went back to our room and I could feel how Junhui was following me. I entered my room and Junhui closed it for me. Chan seemed to be dancing with Soonyoung and was absent. We were alone. For no actual reason it was scary. Knowing Junhui's true side and being alone with him scared me. I was scared of the person that I loved.

"Were have you been this weekend. Nobody wanted to tell me", he asked ne and sat down on Chan's bed. Memories came back. The time he pressed me onto his bed and his breath on my ear.

I still decided to answer without showing any of the things I was feeling.

"Home. My mum wanted to see me again and so I was allowed to go home for the weekend", I told him and received a nod from him.

"I thought you left. If you ever leave, tell me. Even if you still hate me in the future just tell me that you will leave. Don't leave without saying anything", he said and I nodded. I didn't listen to him anymore after 'hate'

I didn't hate him. I couldn't even after the things I learned about him. I just couldn't. I was rather hating myself on still loving him, than actually hating Junhui.

"Say something", Junhui's voice was begging.

"I promise", was all I said.

"Is it true? Do you hate me now? It's okay. I deserve it. Hate me all you want", Junhui voice was so different. He wasn't that confident guy that liked to tease his friends a little. He seemed so weak and scared. His voice was slightly shaking everytime he talked. He was always looking onto the floor and looked like he would start to cry anytime somebody talked to him. I didn't see him for a week and he was like a new person for me.

"Why do you never answer, Minghao", panic was coming through his voice.

"Can you leave? Please", was all I said and looked out of the window. Now even his breath was shaking.

"Okay", he whispered and left, while he quietly closed the door.

I don't know what was going to happen next with us. I missed the old Junhui. But he finally regretted his actions. I hated how he reminded me of my own self. How I was crying and begging Minah not to leave me. How I was trying to promise her that I would change. How miserable I felt when she just left without saying anything.

But this wasn't about me. Junhui needed me. I knew it. But I couldn't forget everything. I saw him as a monster. He would hurt me too. He wouldn't think too much about it and I could end up like Wonwoo. I couldn't trust him anymore. I just had to ignore the side that still loved him and I would be over it.

ew. that chapter sucks. And btw the first 20 chapters of Station 11 are cringe. I just read them again after a long time and there so many things that don't make sense or that make me angry. How does this have over 60k reads???