Friends with Benefits (Ashton Irwin)

Chapter 36;

It's been three weeks since my first radiation treatment. They said I wouldn't need chemo, but it was suggested that I have it. So, of course, I had chemo. They stopped my radiation for a week so that the chemo would have time to work its "miracles" on my body. No miracles here. Just a balding girl about to have help shaving her head from her boyfriend.

Anyway, they continued radiation about a week ago, and said I have to come back next week for one last treatment of chemo. Making it five treatments total. They lied to me. They said the tumor in my left breast (the only tumor in existence), had shrunk. Nope. It's still the same size it was when I found out I had cancer.

So yesterday was my birthday. I spent it at a radiation treatment with Ashton and my mother. Like every other treatment or appointment I've needed to go to the last three weeks. Thankfully, I still had a bit of time at the end of the day when I didn't feel completely exhausted, and I went to dinner with the family, Ashton, Brynn, Luke, Michael, and Calum. But that's about as exciting as my birthday got.

Shane hasn't attempted to talk to me other than sending me a text saying he was sorry for my cancer. Fuck him. And no, I haven't attempted going back to work, nor will I. After I'm done dealing with the cancer shit, I will find another job. Sadly, because of my whole cancer ordeal, I've been pushed back to the fall semester at Uni. Which is cool, because more time with Ashton and my friends, but it sucks knowing why I got pushed back.

I never, in a million years, have imagined the possibility of me getting cancer.

People from school have stopped by to give me gift baskets and what not. I call them pity baskets. I sent a tweet out the other day requesting that people stop coming by my house to give me pity baskets, and that I'll be fine.

Ashton has been the greatest help and the best supporter through this entire thing for sure. I've never met someone so on top of things, and so caring in my time of need. My own, super dysfunctional, highly bipolar, mother, hasn't even been there for me the way Ashton has. But, is it even possible for a mother to fill a boyfriends void? Probably not.

I still have two long months left. But I'm so beyond grateful that in two months, the fight will be over and I won't have to worry about this anymore. Okay. That's false. I will have to worry about it. Because even though the odds are great, there's still a chance the cancer can come back at full force and suck me under like quicksand. But I'm trying to think positive. Positive.

So now that I have a relaxation day, away from the life of a cancer patient, my oh so lovely boyfriend has volunteered to help shave my head today while my mother is at work, and my brother is at school. Oh yea, that's another thing. School is back in. As of last week.

"How do you want this done Lucy?" Ashton wondered holding the clippers in his hand.

"What do you mean? You're shaving my head." I said dumbfoundedly.

"I know that. But I mean, would you like a mohawk or something?" He suggested.

"What the fuck? You're the only person I know that would offer to give me a mohawk. Anyone else would've just shaved my damn head." I laughed.

"So, no mohawk?" He giggled. Which made me die. Metaphorically of course. Ashton's giggle could make anyone metaphorically die.

"No. No mohawk." I chuckled.

"Alllllright." He sighed dramatically.

He turned the clippers on and the familiar sounds of the buzzing rang through my ears. I felt the clippers touch the back of my neck and I started crying. My hair is so long and it took me forever to grow it out. Back in grade six, I fucking cut my hair and gave myself some jagged bangs and a pixie cut. Of course I had to get it fixed. And seven years later, it's almost to my butt, and now, I have to shave it off.

When Ashton was done, I didn't want to look at the floor, or in a mirror for over an hour. Eventually, Ashton swept up my hair, and took a seat with me at the kitchen table. He made me some tea and a sandwich. I didn't even want to look at Ashton. I was afraid of how he would look at me.

"Babe. It's been two hours and you still haven't looked at me." He said worried.

I was silent for a minute.

"There's this void. This void I can't fill and it's bothering the hell out of me." I finally answered.

"Lucy. Look at me." He demanded softly.

I hesitated, but slowly looked over at him.

"Don't think I love you any differently just because you have cancer, or have no hair, or because you're sicker than you've ever been, because god dammit Lucy, I will never stop loving you no matter what the hell happens. I fell in love with you and just because your appearance changed slightly, does not mean I'm going to love you differently." He ranted, and before I could answer or look away, he grabbed my face and kissed me.

~

Can I die? No. I can't quit the fight now. But god do I want to.

I'm so exhausted and haven't left my bed in two days. I haven't ate anything, moved anywhere, talked to anyone, nothing. I've been in a rock, stuck in my bed. I barely got up to go to the bathroom. I'm so weak and tired, and it's taking over. I can't handle this.

"Do you need help in there Lucy?" Ashton asked through my bedroom door.

"No, I got it." I insured.

The only reason I'm getting out of bed today is because I have another shitty appointment at the hospital to scan my chest for growth or decrease in my tumor. I don't wanna though. I just wanna lay in my bed and be miserable until I die. But that's not an option.

I walked into the hallway and joined Ashton.

"I like your sweater babe." Ashton chirped, pulling at the fabric.

"You know what I'm most excited to do after my cancer is gone?" I asked him.

"What would that be?" He wondered.

"Have sex with you." I admitted.

I watched as his cheeks flushed and smirk grew.

"There are virgin ears in this house!" My mother yelled.

"Not yours!" I yelled back.

The drive was horribly long, and boring to say the least. 

They told me that the tumor has shrunk dramatically and I will only need two more treatments of chemo, and three more of radiation then I have to come back to this shit hole hospital for one last check up. Hopefully.

"Do you want to go out for celebratory lunch?" Ash tsked.

"I'm not really hungry." I shrugged.

"Luce, you haven't ate anything in the last two or three days. You are going to eat." He stated.

"I can try I guess." I sighed.

~

"How are you feeling?" Jay wondered.

"I'm fine bud. One more month." I smiled as bright as I could.

"Thank god. Me and mum made deviled eggs if you want some." He offered.

"I might grab a couple in a few, Ashton and I are gonna finish this movie." I nodded.

"Okay cool." He chirped and ran out of my room.

"I love that kid." Ashton laughed.

"Me too. I don't know where I'd be without the idiot." I huffed.