Forbidden / Shayne Topp

Twenty One: Then and Now

Though I know he hadn't asked for me to come over, I just needed to talk to Shayne in person rather than on the phone. As much as it would be easier to just be on the phone, I wasn't ready to go home yet. I didn't want to stay out in my car and I didn't want to go to Tristan's after all this had happened. All Tristan would say was that he told me not to say anything and look where it got me; a dead relationship.

I don't regret pushing him, arguing with him, yelling at him, and even throwing those damn roses at him. He needed to hear all of this, but the one thing I do regret telling him is that our relationship was dead. Even though it's true, he didn't need to hear it in such a harsh way. I just couldn't keep him thinking that our relationship is fine when it hasn't been and it still isn't. Even with the million roses that he gives me, it's not enough.

I need him; not the roses.

I needed the guy who smiled at me every morning when I first woke up. I needed the guy who use to take showers with me and laugh as we struggled to fit in our tiny shower. I needed the guy who made me dinner every single night even when he was too tired from doing a shoot all day and who made sure that even with his vegan food, he'd make me something that I'd like. Where was that Anthony Padilla? Where was the man that I fell in love with?

To think back to previous relationships, I never fell in love with a guy as hard as I had fallen for Anthony. He was the greatest guy I had ever gotten with and I was absolutely grateful for him, but this past half year hasn't been the same. He hasn't been the same and it's all because of his unhappiness at Smosh. He couldn't deal with change and he kept living in the past, but I couldn't say much because I've been living in the past and hoping our relationship would go back.

It hasn't.

Tears kept going down my face and I stopped at a red light to check my phone that had the picture of Anthony and I. Why did he have to leave Smosh and why couldn't he have told me? I know we have had our problems and it has always crossed my mind that I've stayed with him because of work, but I never would've left him after having our problems. I would've left him because of him not talking about our problems. I needed him to admit that we had problems and that we could talk through it.

But that still hasn't happened.

I pulled up to Shayne's apartment building and parked in the parking lot. I took my keys out and wiped my eyes while taking deep, heavy breaths. Doing this was unlike me. I wasn't normally the type to just show up all of a sudden without calling first or even just planning it. I just didn't want him to hear me cry on the phone and worry about me. It still surprises me how much that man cares about me after everything we have been through.

After one deep breath, I opened my door and left my phone in my car. I had no use for it and I already knew that if I brought it with me, Shayne and I would have to hear the constant calls from Anthony, Boze, and Tristan. Plus, my phone was going to die soon anyway and I didn't want to worry about charging it. I shut the door behind me and started walking towards the front of the building.

I opened the door and started walking up the stairs. It's a damn shame that they don't have an elevator in his apartment building. They really should because lazy people like myself don't want to walk up all these stairs, especially people who live at the top floors. I couldn't even imagine a pregnant woman walking up these stairs. I placed my hand on my stomach and shook my head.

Guess I can imagine.

I finally made it to Shayne's floor and opened the door to walk into the hallway. It really surprised me that Shayne wasn't hanging out with Damien today and apart of me wondered why Damien was still at work while Shayne was not. Just the way he looked at me when I left hurt only because he looked with concern in his eyes and I hated that. I hated to know how much people care for Anthony and I's situation, but I know where his heart is.