Forbidden / Shayne Topp

Fifty: The Book

Shayne

Driving back home at 3 in the morning on a Tuesday was hell and it didn't help how upset and tired I was, but I knew once I got home, I wasn't going to bed. I couldn't sleep feeling this way and since I haven't been sleeping well anyway, I knew it would be harder to since Veronica officially left. I had sat in my car and waited to see her plane take off and when it finally did, that's when I officially realized that it was over between us. That whatever we had ended tonight and I still wasn't able to accept it.

It was my-

Fuck, I promised her that I wouldn't keep blaming myself.

I wished that everything that I said made her change her mind and she decided to stay here and be with me, but I would've hated to know that she spent her money on a flight she wasn't even going on. Not to mention all the unnecessary packing and telling everyone bye, but I know that didn't mattered. It's just the fact that I waited too long to tell her I was sorry and that I wanted her to stay, and now I'm having to deal with the consequences. Staying here in Los Angeles without her.

"You mean so much to me."

"You never fail to amaze me, Shayne."

"I know how I feel about you and I know that I do love you, Shayne Topp."

"I want to be with you, Shayne Robert Topp."

"I love you so much more, Shayne."

All of those things she's said to me in the past and then the that last thing just moments ago kept clouding my mind and kept making my eyes water even more. Every time she said my name made me smile, but I could only hear it in my thoughts now since I wouldn't be able to hear it again in person. Veronica was more than just a girl I fooled around with and the girl I had worked with that always had a smile on her face: she was the girl I had fallen in love with because she had the most beautiful heart.

She always put everyone's feelings before herself and made sure that everyone at least had a smile on their face when they were down. She was always full of joy and couldn't help, but to make everyone laugh with her dumb sense of humor. And that smile; god that smile was enough to make everyone smile including myself. Veronica was just everything I wanted in a girl and I let her go. Couldn't hold onto her and now Canada is blessed with an amazing girl.

I pulled up to my apartment building and parked in my usual spot. I turned the car off and sighed, but I got out and shut the door while walking to the door of my building which was already wide open. "That's great. Lets just hold the door for anybody who wants to come in," I said to myself. I walked in and shut the door behind me, then I started walking up the stairs to the building. Crazy to know I've walked up and down these stairs plenty of times, but it felt different this time.

When I made it to my floor, I walked to my front door and unlocked it with my key and opened it instantly. I walked in and shut the door behind me, but looked at my quiet and empty apartment. Suitcases and bags were on the floor since I was getting ready for Summer Games and it was the only thing that kept me occupied at night since I haven't been sleeping. Guess I need to find a new hobby since I have everything I need until the time comes.

I walked in my living room and sat my keys on the coffee table and sat on my couch while letting out the biggest groan. This was the hardest thing I've went through. Even my breakup with Frankie didn't shut me down this way and she cheated on me with a random stranger, but I had to get over all of this. I sat myself up from the couch and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I unlocked it and went to my recent photos and selected all the photos that had Veronica on them (photos from this past month). As I clicked them, I held my finger over the delete button and I sighed.