Forbidden / Shayne Topp

Thirty Nine: Numbness

Every time I've woken up in a bed, I've felt so many different emotions, but never had I ever felt so hurt before. I couldn't even sleep without thinking of the pain I've caused everyone at Smosh and Anthony, who doesn't even want to speak to me anymore. The way the man looked at me as he told me he was done and that he didn't want to be friends anymore could not leave my brain and it only upset me more. He didn't deserve the pain I caused; why did I do this to him?

I was laying on the guest bed at Tristan's house and I couldn't stop staring at the small bag I packed. Right when I stopped having my tantrum at the house, I grabbed one of my small bags from the closet and packed as much as I could to have me set for a few days, but I knew I was going to have to suck it up this week and go to Anthony's to get the rest of my stuff. There's just a lot of it and I know I was going to need some help, but I knew Anthony wouldn't help me and I knew he wouldn't even be around me when I got to the house.

I pulled the pillow closer to me and looked at my wrapped up hand. Luckily, Tristan wasn't all dumbass and was able to clean up my hand and wrap it. College did help that boy some; he was just a dumbass not to stay and decide to live off his parents for the rest of his life, but I couldn't judge him for it. I will judge how much his parents still treat him like a child, but at least Tristan doesn't act like one. Well, not all the time. I really bad mouth my best friend way too much when he does so much for me.

There was a slight knock on the door and I looked over to the door opening. Tristan walked in with coffee in his hand and gently smile at me. "Good morning, lazy ass," he said. I chuckled slightly and sat myself up as he walked over to me and handed me the coffee. My face went blank once again as I took the coffee and I took a sip of it, but even with the burning pain hitting my lips, tongue, and throat, it still couldn't beat my broken heart. "How did you sleep?"

I pulled the coffee away from my lips and said, "I didn't." I laid my hands down on the bed with my coffee still in my hands and continued to say, "My mind kept wandering all night and with a phone that was constantly buzzing on the nightstand with messages and calls from everyone at Smosh and Mia, it kind of kept me up."

"Yeah, Boze kept calling me last night and asking if you were okay since you weren't answering," Tristan admitted.

"And what did you say?" I asked.

"That you aren't," he replied. "Ron, you aren't and you know you aren't." I sighed and shook my head. "Everyone is just worried about you."

"I'm worried too," I told him. I bit my lip and held back from the emotions I was feeling. "I can't even explain the pain that's going through me and to remember the embarrassment I felt yesterday at work, it's not helping my pain. God, I don't even know how I would face everyone at work; let alone talk to them on the phone and tell them how I'm doing. You didn't see the expressions I saw on everyone's face, but I did and I just know that they won't ever look at me the same again after that."

I took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling to stop myself from getting upset, but it was hard not too. I really ruined everything with my careless mistakes and I just dragged everyone down with me. Everyone cares at the moment, but once I'm okay, it's going to go downhill from there. There was no way that Shayne and I could even be together at work because after that situation, you knew there was going to be rules for it. I looked at Tristan and he didn't know what to say, but I did and I knew he wasn't going to be happy about it.

"I'm not gonna do Summer Games."

"After everything you went through, it makes sense why you need that break-"

"That's not why I said that, Tiss," I told him. Now I felt sick to my stomach. "I'm going to quit once I get back to work."

"Oh shut the fuck up, Veronica," Tristan said, but his expression changed once he saw the look in my eyes. He knew I wasn't bullshitting and that was what set him off. "Okay, now you're overreacting about this whole thing."