No Promises

|36| old habits

Odette's Pov

"Hey grandma." I said looking at my grandma's grave. "I came to visit you." I placed a rose on top of it.

"Things haven't been really good lately. Life is so much harder than I thought. If you were here everything would be so much easier. I miss you grandma." I said. "Shawn and I broke up. There are lies going around school about me and I'm basically alone." I sniffed my nose and wiped some of my tears away. "I feel so lonely grandma. Being and feeling alone is too much to face. I wish you were here."

"Dad started sending letters again. And this time I know that nobody will save me from him. Because I have nobody. I'm scared grandma. I'm really scared. He said something about mafia and the people he's working with. I'm so scared of what is coming next." I paused for a moment since my voice became more shaky.

"I don't wanna live like this grandma. I don't wanna live with the fear of my step dad. I don't wanna live alone. Because I am alone, and it hurts like hell. And sometimes i-" I stopped there afraid of saying the following words. "And sometimes I think of how would it be to not live at all." I cried harder.

"What if the only way to not feel anything is to stop feeling forever?"

I sat there at my grandma's grave for a couple of hours.

I decided to take a shower when I reached home.

My eyes fell on the razors and I hated myself for letting that idea cross my mind.

There was nothing holding me back right? Give me one good reason not to start cutting again.

I grabbed the razors in my hand and approached my thigh with them. The razors came in physical touch with my bare skin and without thinking about it I made the first cut.

I had forgotten how much it hurt and the pain made a shout come out of my mouth. "Aah!" I cried out as I made a second cut on my leg. Blood started trailing down my legs and it got intertwined with the water from the shower.

After I was done with cutting myself I sat there in the cold shower.

You know that feeling when you're done crying and you feel nothing. You feel empty and like life had been sucked out of you. That's how I was feeling that moment.

I felt like I had nothing, I had nobody, I was all alone.

I was slowly going back to my old habits. The ones of cutting.

I was slowly sliding back to one of the darkest times of my life. And I never knew this would be the darkest out of all.

Shawn's Pov

"Buddy. Hey." Ethan was shaking his hand in front of my face. I brought myself back on earth and stopped thinking about Odette for a moment.

"What is it?" I asked. "What were you thinking about?" He asked me. I looked at him without saying anything and I turned to the tv screen since we were supposedly watching a movie.

"Shawn, I know its hard buddy but I can't help you if you won't talk to me."   He pressed pause to the movie and turned to me. "I don't really like talking about it Ethan." I said not wanting to talk to him. "But Shawn I wanna help you." He insisted.

"I don't need your help Ethan!" I stood up and walked towards the window. I stared at the shiny moonlight and I remembered the necklace I gave to Odette.

*Flashback*

"I bought you something." I said and pulled out a small box. "What is this?" Odette smiled allowing me to admire her beauty once again. "Something to bring your smile back." I said and handed it to her.

I was so nervous to see if she would like it.

Odette slowly opened the box and her eyes sparkled when she saw the half moon necklace I bought her.

"Shawn its so beautiful!" She said looking at me. "The moon reminds me of you that's why I bought it. Because you're the light through my darkness." I said and she smiled at me while her cheeks were blushing like crazy.

I grabbed the necklace and tried to put it on her neck.

"It looks perfect on you." I told her thinking about how beautiful she looked. "It just draws more attention to my highkey." She laughed making me do the same.

Odette slowly rested her head on my shoulder and I surrounded her with my arms. "I like your highkey. It just shows you're mine." I told her. "I am." She turned to look at me with her angelic ocean blue eyes. "You are. And I don't share." I leaned on and kissed her not being able to resist anymore.

*end of flashback*

"Shawn! Hey!" Ethan was shaking my shoulder with his hand trying to bring my mind back on earth. "Where's your mind traveling bro?" He asked. "Like you don't know already." I said without looking at him.

"Shawn I know you truly loved this girl but you have to let go sometime. Its really hard to get your heart broken but time heals all wounds, trust me." He told me. "I-I just really thought she was the one." I lowered my head. "You can't say that she's the one Shawn. You don't even know her that well. You've been dating for only a few months. Plus, you're seventeen! You have a life time ahead of you, you can't think that a high school relationship was your endgame."

Maybe Ethan was right, but I couldn't see that at the moment. I was so caught up in this whole idea of missing Odette that I didn't want to hear anything that wasn't going along with my thoughts.

"I thought I knew her. I thought I knew it all but I was wrong." I said and a tear trailed down my cheek. "I know Shawn, I know. And I'm so sorry you have to go through all those. You don't deserve this." Ethan said. "Sometimes I just really want this to be a bad dream. I close my eyes and I imagine us dancing in Malibu beach like we did when we visited Malibu. I close my eyes and I imagine us going hiking on the Hills, we both loved doing that. I close my eyes and I remember every little thing we were doing. Everything reminds me of her Ethan." I said with my shaky ready to crack voice.

Ethan didn't say anything, he gave me a tight hug just like I needed it to be.

"We're going through this together." He whispered during the hug. "Thank you." I whispered too.

____________________
Hiiii

I'm sorry for not keeping my promises when it comes to uploading a new chapter guys. I'm off town for a few days and I had a lot of things to do. Those who follow me on instagram will know by now that I visited my cousin in the country side and I've been busy since then.

1. Sorry for the small chapter
2. The next chapter is going to be a long one and a really emotional one. Just because it is such an important chapter for the plot of the book it will take me more than two days to write it. I'm a perfectionist so I want this particular one to be perfect.

Embrace yourselves for chapter number 37.

*grab tissues*

Coming next week!

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter don't forget to vote and comment down bellow!

💕 TILL NEXT TIME💕