No Promises

|39| i got her letter

Shawn's Pov

"you're lying! tell me you're fucking lying!" i yelled at the doctor's face. "what kind of doctor are you? its your job to save her life! get in there and make her heart beat again!" i pushed him against the wall with tears in my eyes.

"im so sorry we did the best we could." he said no looking into my eyes.

"no!" I yelled letting go of his shirt. "No! You're fucking lying! Odette didn't die! She is alive! You're fucking lying!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Odette!" I kneed down and I started sobbing.

Camila fell on her knees, hugged my tight and started crying too.

"I wanna see her." I told the doctor. "Son, her parents don't want anybody to approach the body. Odette's body will be transferred to San Diego and the funeral will be there." I was left speechless with what doctor said.

"How can you say that? I have to see her for the last time." I begged. "I said nobody is allowed to see the body." Odette's step dad said stepping in front of me. "You didn't even drop a single tear for her! Let me see her!" I yelled at his face.

"Don't make me call security." He said and I stepped back. I didn't have the power to fight him at that moment. Everything seemed so pointless. Nothing made sense without Odette.

"We'll prepare the body." The doctor told miss Anastasia and he walked back in the room.

Camila looked at me while sobbing quietly. I didn't say anything. I walked back to my seat and sat there with a blank face. I didn't know what to say or do. I felt empty inside, like life has been sucked out of my body.

A few minutes later the nurses came out with that white hospital bed and Odette's lifeless body laying on it. She was covered with a white sheet but I could still see her long shiny hair.

"Odette!" I run towards her but I didn't make it to touch her. Her stepdad pushed me away.

"Odette open your eyes baby! Lets go Odette! Get up, open your eyes! Let's go home Odette!" I was yelling while they were taking her away. "Odette! Please!"

Ethan walked towards me and gave me a long bear hug.

"She's gone Ethan." I said while sobbing on his shoulder. "Odette is dead and its all my fault." I added.

"Shawn look at me." Ethan made our eyes meet. "She will forever be alive in here." He said gently touching my heart. "I wanna go find her." I whispered and my voice cracked. "Don't say that please. She wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." He told me.

"I can't live without her. I don't know how to live without her." I said while everyone approached me and Ethan.

"How am I supposed to live without her?" I said looking at them. They didn't know what to say, they just came closer and gave me a tight group hug.

After the hospital I drove to Odette's house.

Call me pathetic or whatever but I don't care. I had to go there.

I unlocked the door with the keys she gave me and walked inside. Chills took over my body the second I stepped in her bedroom. The vibe, the aura, call it what you want to, of the room was dazzling. Just like her.

The odor of her sweet but a little bit teasing perfume was dancing around my nose making me tear up again.

My eyes fell on her bed where I saw some pieces of paper. I got closer and grabbed one with my name on it.

"My sweet,

By the time you'll be reading this I'll be far far away. Somewhere noone will be able to find me and hurt me. Not even you.

I tried hard to keep myself alive but I failed. Just like I failed to make you happy. I failed life Shawn.

I let you down and hurt you but it wasn't my intention. I swear I didn't want to make you cry. I loved you more than anything and anyone even though you might have doubt that.

I've never loved anybody more in my life. Everything happened so fast. I didn't have the time to show you how much I love you. Nobody will ever love you more than I did.

I wish you could listen to me, to the truth, my truth.

I hope you'll find out what truly happened and you'll stop hating me. But it will be too late. We've been through a lot but my love for you never faded away.

I've been through hell more than once and I couldn't bare the pain. It was all too much to face. I couldn't do it anymore. I needed everything to stop. So I made it stop myself.

I'm sorry if I hurt someone again but my demons were stronger than me.

I was ready to spend a life time with you but we got lost in the middle of our way.

Remember when you promised me you wouldn't let anybody hurt me? I told you, No Promises. And here we are now, you couldn't keep your promise. I'm not blaming you but it's the truth.

I know God doesn't forgive selfharm but I hope he does an excuse for me and I finally end up in heaven. Even if I end up in hell I bed it will be less painful than it was down on earth.

I'll ask Him to take good care of you and bring only happiness in your way.

Remember that I will be protecting you from up there. I'll be your guardian angel and I'll never let anyone hurt you like I did.

Thank you for showing me what real love means. Thank you for making me feel important. Thank you for making me feel alive. I didn't deserve it, I didn't deserve you.

Thank you for everything.

This is the last time you'll come in contact with something related to me. I don't know if you will miss me but I am sure I will.

Goodbyes are hard.

I love you, to infinity, relentlessly.

Your sweet."

I started sobbing uncontrollably after reading her letter.

"How could you do that Odette?" I asked expecting no answer.

"Why? Why did you leave me alone?" I yelled throwing the letter on the floor.

I laid down on her bed breathing her odor and stayed there until I eventually fell asleep hours later.

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