No Promises

|37| i need everything to stop

Odette's POV

it was slowly getting harder and harder for me to leave my bed and go to school, or generally do anything.

i hated that i had to face the people i disliked the most everyday. and everyday it was the same old story repeating itself.

i was already struggling with my purpose and the school climate was making everything worse.

i got the bus to school so not eager to see any of those faces. lets count. first, shawn hates me and i cant stand it when he looks at me with those blank eyes. second, i cant look at my own rapist daily, it brings back all the memories from that night and theres nothing i want to remember from it. i feel like this night will be haunting me forever. everytime someone will touch me i will remember harvey's body pushing mine on the bed, i will remember his breath on my skin, i will remember the pain i was feeling mentally and physically. and those are things i wish i had never experienced. 

third, i cant stand seeing maggie thinking she won and she can do whatever she wants with people's lives. fourth, i cant stand seeing my whole company looking at me like they hate me or something. or the entire school calling me a slut. but most importantly i cant cope with the feeling of being alone.

the first period passed quickly without any drama surrounding it, just like the rest of the day in school.

i decided to wanted to talk to shawn, or at least try, so i called his name when i saw him walking towards his car. he ignored me but i didnt give up so easily.

"shawn hold up!" i yelled and run towards him.

"havent i made it obvious that i dont want to talk to you?" he asked me with an irritated tone.

"shawn you have to listen to me. please." i begged him with teary eyes.

"but i dont wanna listen for fucks sake! why cant you leave me alone! im trying to forget about you and youre making it impossible!" he said looking at me in the eyes.

"but shawn i have to explain. i cant let you go without any explanations." i insisted.

"i dont fucking need your explanations Odette! you werent that important anyways." he said avoiding eye contact. "what?" i asked as my heart stopped for a second.

"we were just a highschool relationship Odette. dont tell me you took that seriously. we wouldnt last anyways." he said breaking my heart in two.

"what are you talking about shawn? you know how much i love you and i know you love me too, or at least loved me." i said crying.

" there's no such thing as love Odette. i thought there was but you made sure to make me stop believing in it. well thank you and congrats."

i started crying harder.

"stop crying for god's sake! and leave me the fuck alone. i had enough." and with that shawn opened his car door, got inside and drove away.

i turned my head and i saw Justin standing a few feet away looking at me crying. "what the fuck do you want?" i yelled at him crying. "go celebrate with your friends. congrats you ruined two people's lives!" i yelled again before running away from the school.

i returned home and run upstairs to my bedroom. i jumped on my bed and started crying as loud as i could.

"why? why me?" i yelled sobbing on my pillow.

i decided to stand up and write on my diary.

"dear, diary,

im not proud of certain things that have been written on my story and i would change a lot if i were to begin again. but there's one chapter i cant delete. it goes by the name 'him'