If You Only Knew... [completed]

Twenty

  Hey,

  This morning I looked at my reflection in a mirror, I couldn't help throwing it to the icy hard floor, icy and hard as your heart!

   I didn't recognize myself in it, I was so different, I never had my hair messy that way, my eyes were puffy from all the tears I cried in the three past days, I was blade, I didn't eat since you prononced the last words you told me :" you're fired". All it reflected was pain, my eyes sent me an afraid look, one long-pending question :" what do you think of me now?"

  Usually, I love to be tidy, I saw the opposite of a tidy me in that, now broken, mirror. What I saw scared me. It is time for me to rebound myself. I don't want to live this way, three days of crying and extreme ache are enough!

  It isn't about my job, not that I didn't like it!  I loved it more cause you were a part of it. I know I'll find another easily, yet, I had three new propposed posts; I know I was good but didn't know it was that good!

  I choosed the company near my house, I choose it because it was near and also because yours and this one are parteners, I'll be more effective, I can't be your competitor, it's too hard for me, I know I can't!

  I'm starting in two days. I wanted to start tomorrow, I'm going crazy at home, alone these past days, I didn't let anyone in, not even Amelie, I just sent a message where I said I was fine, I just needed to be left alone. I can't stay home anymore, I see you everywhere and when I close my eyes, the scene when you fired me and her in you arms is running through my mind, it's awful!

   I,  at some point, wanted to get drunk just to forget about it all but I knew that when I'll be sober all the pain will come back with more intensity, I know it'll overwhelm me and maybe destroy me!

  So, instead of that, I chose to go on a walk or maybe do a jogging. Yes, I think I need a jogging and than I'll go to the box club, I have some frustration to evacuate!

  I didn't tell you, when you left high school, I had no protection anymore, you know they all thought that I was your girlfriend back in the days, I won't hide from you that I was so happy to konw it. But you left and I found myself all alone, your "fangirls"  started to bully me, so I integrate a box club, I could defend myself so they left me alone.

    I'm weird. NO, I'm a fool, know why? Because even if you are the cause of my sorrow, I still want you!