If You Only Knew... [completed]

Twenty one

 Hey, 

  I did as I plainned and went to the box club down town.

  At the beginnig, it was a good idea, all my frustration faded away, I never hit that box bag that hard in all my life but I felt so good, so free, everything around me was non-exestent, I was listening to some kind of girl power song. Rare were times when I felt this way, so I wanted to appriciate the moment.

   But I couldn't, some boxer came to disturb me, he told that he could me help me in his way, I could clearly understand what he meant by " changing my mind". Without knowing it, he did it! All the anger and pain went to be replaced by disgust.

   So, I wanted to leave that club, but he didn't seem to agree, he grabbed my arm. I wasn't in the mood to talk so I kicked his balls and ran away, I heard him swear and he started following me!

   It was the last thing I needed, a running-chase, really?!

   I ran as fast as I could for several minutes, my chest was burnuing me due to the effort, it was late in the evening, stars were already beautifying the dark sky. I was scared, what will happen if he catches me?!

  I was lost in my reveries when I banged against someone. From here, you know how it ends cause you're the one I hit.

  I can't explain it, but I felt safe when I saw you, I didn't ask myself any question or made any reflection when I hid behind your back. I saw that you were confioused but you've quickly understood when that man ran toward us.

   It seemed like you knew him and he knew you too!

   You told him to leave me alone cause I was "different". What did you mean?

  Then came the moment when the guy left and there were only me and you in the middle of the street, I could ask you why you did what you did, I could tell you all the ache you made me feel, I could tell you how you always break my hopes and how you gave me my first broken heart. I tried to look in your eyes, to stand your look but I saw you expressionless. I couldn't exactely read your expression, your eyes where half hidden behind your dark strands of hair and my eyes were filled with tears that were threating to fall, so I couldn't really see you.

   I was about to cry, I couldn't believe that you were standing before me, I didn't expect to see you, and contrary to what I thought I wasn't angry, I felt an empty place forming itself inside of my chest, I felt like pain was consuming me, it was awful, my heart was pounding so hard so I ran away, I was about to explode and I didn't want you to see me like that. I promised myself that you won't see me weak again.

  I'll show you that I don't need you to be happy, I'll show myself that I can go through this without you. 

  I'm saying it, but it is completely illogic cause you are my hapiness!

  I'm lost in the maze of love and you're the only one who can save me!