Chapter 35

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a/n: hello! this chapter is in use of multiple pov's. I don't know if the song goes with the chapter but listen if you'd like.

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A L I C E' S  P.O.V

Spiteful of my foolish idiocy, I acknowledged that i coped myself in this apartment for my own selfish reasons. I've achieved nothing by ignoring him, a little known fact I've known from the very beginning. Having the days drag on and having this feeling that I wasn't where I belonged or feeling like I needed to go home. It was a feeling that I was very unfamiliar with. Through heavy contemplation I discovered these feelings: feelings that I didn't know what or how to think of them. Regardless, i knew what I felt and I was teetering on the edge of pride and guilt. At this very moment, existing has become very sullen without him. With manipulation, i scheme myself into believing that these emotions were substituted in by my mind not my heart. But then I look at the inanimate object on my finger and see the symbol that it stands for and realize my unwillingness to admit the emotion that I've been feeling. I don't know how long I will withhold this information, but I need to understand if what we are or were feeling, is based off of infatuation or dedication.

Decidedly, I book a flight an evening prior to the wedding.  I have to set a common ground, and if the time is right, and the two of us are mutually content.. all fear will vanquish from my body and I'll unleash my unrequited love.

In the meantime, I had things to pack, errands to runs, and hospitals visits to attend to.

T H I R D  P.O.V

As the date grew closer, Alice couldn't decipher what she was feeling. It was unlike her- to see things so dull and laborious. Alice couldn't fathom why she chose to leave. She immensely doted her beau, her lover, her friend... her muse. Each word with it's amorous meanings convinced Alice that's all it was, lust.

Feelings and people are not guaranteed, but are they reliable?

Alice deeply desired to know the answer, an answer that requires her to expose it all: her flaws, feelings, and thoughts. All she wanted was a chance.. a chance to feel, to see, to remember the way she use to be. It started on a Friday morning. The rays of sun peaked slightly through her peach sateen drapes. It was five am, the air still felt like eventide, the windows were bathed in frost and dew, and the sun's golden light reflected off of Alice's white linen nightdress. The morning chill sent Alice's padded feet to the kitchen to brew a cup of tea. Welcomed by a near empty fridge, Alice rode her bike into town for groceries. Her basket  had an abundance of lovely delights: jam, blueberries, muffins, cinnamon rolls etc.

The atmosphere was particularly serene this Friday. Alice indulged in a book on a mossy lumpy tree, on a hill with an overview of the city. She walked on the cobbled streets admiring the antique bookstores and coffee shops. She befriended strangers and watched tentatively at couples entwined hands.

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