Suffer. (Chris Brown Love Story) (PAUSED)

39.

Finally🙌🏽. Sorry for pulling a Rihanna on y'all please forgive me😩.

Ranae

"I mean I don't know what to do" I said thinking to myself.

I can't keep trying to get my life together when something always happening to ruin that chance. And I can't stop people actions either.

"Ranae bad things do not just happen. We open the door to them. We let bad things in-"

"So you saying this is my fault?"

"No I'm not saying that but you have to be careful from now on. It's not all your fault but you just opened the door"

"How I know if some stuff won't pop up from my pass again?"

"You wouldn't know so that's why you have to be prepared. But for now I want you to focus on the future ok? I know two weeks ago was rough for you but try not to dwell in it"

"Ok" I nodded.

"You know you are a very strong women Ranae, I just want to remind you that"

I nodded and looked down.

"One last thing you want to tell me before we try and leave the past in the past?"

I thought for a minute.

"When Kayla put that gun to my head.."

She nodded for me to go on.

"Not on no suicidal type stuff but when she put that gun to my head, I told her to just pull it. I wasn't scared I-... I just felt like it didn't matter, like I really didn't care what she'll do to be honest"

"I understand that it hasn't been easy in a long time and I'm sorry about that but are you feeling like your life isn't still worth it?"

"Life is rough but I'm not going to kill myself. What I attempted was dumb because I wasn't thinking about the people I love and I don't want to do that again. I believe in God and I believe he will come through big time when it's my time to be in my happy place in life"

She half smiled and nodded.
-
"Mom I miss youuuu" I said hugging my mom.

I missed her so much so I wanted to spend the rest of the day with her.

"My angel" she said back.

"How you doing today?"

"Good and you?"

"I'm fine"

"How was therapy, I'm glad you still going to Lisa"

"Yeah me too, it was good tho"

"That's good baby. I'm really praying for you, God got you"

"I know ma, thanks" I smiled.

I felt my phone vibrate which meant someone text me. I took it out my pocket and unlocked my phone.
my love💕: snacks and a movie tonight? I'll get you sour patches

I smiled.

me: I'll love that❤️ thank you baby.

I locked my phone and shoved it back on my pocket.

"Who you texting Chris?"

"How you know?"

"You was smiling"

"Ok I can't smile?" I chuckled.

"Well when other people text you you don't smile like that"