Fate

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

Two things I was now certain of. One, I was leaving the class partly because of Zayn and what he'd said. Also, because of my confusing thoughts on him. Two, Zayn was both intelligent and perceptive at least in concerning me. I didn't know how to deal with that. Was he this way with everyone or just me?

That was a stupid thought that never should have entered my mind even though it did, and stayed dormant there for the rest of the day. Never quiet seeping into my mind fully but never leaving. I knew it was there and it could come at any moment to invade my mind. For the rest of the school day, I wasn't exactly present and maybe that showed during P.E. I possibly could have played basketball better than I had. My thoughts were on the book we hadn't named yet.

The book that Zayn would be finishing on his own. He'd seen right through me which I still couldn't wrap my head around. Almost like he was challenging me to go through with it. Trying to look past him for a moment, I thought of the simple English project that should be of no value to either of us and realized it was. Emily's story had become important to me and I enjoyed writing it. To stop would be just like abandoning the other stories I'd worked so hard on.

Could I give it up after putting my heart and soul into it? I'd have to if I wanted to be free of the headache that I was currently experiencing. Was I ready to let it go? The English class I was currently in with Zayn and taught by Alec. Whatever little thing Zayn and I had going brought me some excitement if nothing else. He hadn't been wrong when he'd told me he'd hate to not annoy me or have me annoy him. Was he saying he'd miss me if I left and that he wanted me to stay? It came out of his mouth after all.

It wasn't only me. Despite the hurtful things he'd said to me, he didn't want me to leave because he had some value in us continuing to work together and share a class. Perhaps he'd just not wanted to admit it himself. Maybe he'd even meant what he said about wanting us to be friends. He and I being friends. That was tough to think about.

With Alec, I realized he was passionate enough about English that he did see the passion and maybe even potential in our project. Somehow, I thought maybe even he didn't want me to leave. I didn't know why that was but I even held this notion he might care for me in some way. Perhaps he could tell a little bit about what I went through and wanted to help. He likely hadn't meant to seem like he was ignoring me. Perhaps Zayn hadn't meant what he said.

At the end of the day that didn't change the facts. We had all bitten off more than we could chew. Alec didn't want to deal with helping a student like me when he had nothing he could do to help. Knowing my family didn't change that. Zayn didn't want to be friends with me no matter what he said and wouldn't want the fallback of what could happen if we both continued. I knew what I had to do.

"What's this?" Mom asked, peering over my shoulder. I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, pen in hand as I finished feeling out the form. It was all done and now all I needed was to sign it and it would be over. A new wave of guilt washed over me at mom seeing this.

"It's a form to get transferred out of English class."

A frown fell upon her face. "Alec's class?" I nodded. "Aren't you working with Zayn?" Her eyes filled with emotion and she sat beside me.

"Yeah, it's just not working out. I'm sorry mom." She pursed her lips, resting her hand over mine.

"You don't have to apologize to me, sweetheart. Though, I want you to ask yourself one final question before you make a decision."

"What's that?"

"Why are you leaving the class?" I looked up at her, waiting for her to continue and she smiled. "Because you want to or because your dad wants you to and you think it would help?"