Fate

Chapter Seventy-Five

Chapter Seventy-Five

Every time a new chapter begins it feels as if my life gets worse and worse with each word written. Was that how Evelyn felt? Jace, Alec, Eric, Kenneth, or even mom? Is this how it felt when they were our age? If so, how did they ever get past all the sad and depressing, needless effects of a halfway good few words in the beginning chapters of their own novels? Their own lives?

After Miles and I talked, and after our heart-wrenching moment together Kujo decided to lessen the anxiety-filled tension by jumping into Miles' lap before promptly biting him on the hand. I didn't know if it was because he'd sensed something was wrong and he thought Miles was to blame or if he just wanted to get his attention. Either way, Miles and I cut the conversation short after that.

I guess I could've called it a win-win for me since I no longer had to see his pain written expression any longer but to be honest, I hated how my words had affected him. No matter how much truth was behind my words, I couldn't bring myself to do that to him again. I hated making him feel as if he wasn't good enough. Or maybe it was the other way around?

Maybe I felt I wasn't good enough for him. Or maybe it was because I couldn't see myself with him because there was too much difference in our lives now. Before was simple. Calm and predictable. Now? Now was just too hard and unpredictable. The one key difference?

Zayn. Before Zayn, everything was crystal clear, and after? Well, let's just say it was a foggy mess of emotions. I loved Miles. So much so it hurt me to see him the way he was lately but it somehow wasn't enough to get me to go back on my earlier words. Maybe it was because he wasn't the only one in my heart anymore. Maybe it was because he no longer was the only one I loved?

Because every time I thought of Miles...Zayn somehow crawled his way into my thoughts as well. It wasn't ideal and it certainly wasn't wise to love them both. I was just asking for a disaster to happen if it hadn't already. At the start of the year, I barely knew Zayn and now, it felt as if I'd known him for years. Which, I guess, in a way, I did. I'd just forgotten.

Still, that didn't give him the right to do to me what he had. Past relationship or not, Zayn was nothing more than a stranger to me before this. How could I have been so gullible? How could he have been so selfish? To love—

"What are you writing?" Zayn asked, looking over my shoulder.

My eyes widened and I promptly shut my notebook quickly. Keeping him from reading any further than he may have had. I turned to glare at him as he simply gave me a cheeky grin. This wasn't something I was ready to show to him let alone anyone else. It was personal to me and for right now only I was the one who could see it. No matter how handsome he was.

"None of your business." I scolded.

"Defensive are we?" He smirked.

"No. I just don't want you seeing what I'm doing."

"Right, very defensive," he laughed.

"If you keep secrets then so can I."

He seemed about to respond but then thought better of it.

"Fair enough," He shrugged.

However, I got the feeling he didn't agree with my reasoning or my excuses. Maybe I had been a little harsh but as much as he was harsh with me I figured I could be just this once. Okay fine maybe I already had been more than once and some of it was toward him as well as some of the others. Like Miles for example but they didn't always give me much choice did they?

Telling him I didn't want him to see what I was doing or right was the truth even if it did come off rudely. So then he was right, I was defensive. Very defensive whether I had a right to be or not. This was a simple secret he likely wouldn't care much about but this was a secret all the same.