The One I Want

Fresh Start

Jin

    "You look like a balloon."
    "Shut up, you sexy skinny bitch. I hate you. You're just jealous." Hoseok sniffs, stuffing his face with the delicious chocolate cake I made for him.
     Rolling my eyes, I sit back and relax. It's been four months since my arrangement with Jungkook and his family. So far so good. I decided to keep teaching and his eomma even helped me get accepted to the next best school—a college position. A professor.
     I think I like it much better, anyway. Luckily I didn't get pregnant either which was great. Jungkook and I have been very civil. Yes, I still live with him but have my own room. Yes, we are officially married but no one knows. It was a super tiny ceremony.
      Of course, I had to promise his eomma that we'd have a huge open wedding before I give him an heir. No rush. I haven't let him give me the mating bite, though. I've held off and surprisingly he hasn't pressured me about it.
      Compromise.
      The only place I go besides work is to Hoseok's place. He's due in a couple months and I've been a very supportive best friend. Despite his verbal abuse over my own situation. Whatever. I blame his hormones.
     "I can't believe you two don't have sex. Like...how? You're married!" He gripes. The fact he is more upset over my lack of love life than me is very telling, I suppose.
     "We don't. Every month for my heat I take my meds and keep to myself. He goes out with Jimin or his other friends." I shrug. "It's been...easy, actually." Especially since he's never around. At all.
      He glares at me, shaking his head. "Did you even consummate the marriage?" He asks, licking chocolate off his lips.
     Scoffing, I groan. "No because we've already done that." I remind him. "That one time wouldn't make everything change."
      "I don't think I could go months without being touched by my sexy alpha husband." He chimes. Oh yes, Hoseok and Yoongi officially married a couple months ago, too. Of course their ceremony was large and super extravagant.
      "Yes well." I stare pointedly down at his stomach. "I'm sure you'll learn to go without when the baby is here." I tease.
      "Nope. He has to sleep sometime."
     "So do you."
     "I can put off an hour of rest."
     Sighing, I glance at the clock. "Crap. I have to go. I'm supposed to attend a huge family dinner tonight with Jungkook. Something to do with the company."
       He nods. "Next time bring more cake!"

     I arrive home thirty minutes later to see the maids bustling around to get there party atmosphere ready. I close myself in my room and begin to get dressed.
     To be honest, I haven't seen much of Jungkook lately. He's been pulled out of school several times to attend business meetings and company retreats with his appa for weeks at a time. I've spent most of my time with his eomma. I really do like her.
      I haven't seen Jungkook in two months in counting now but of course I wasn't going to tell Hoseok that. I wonder if Jungkook has changed at all...
      There's a knock at my door just as I'm finishing up my hair. "Come in."
     Jungkook walks in fixing his cuff link. I glance up at him through the mirror and my breath catches. He's...different somehow. Older? More mature? More muscular? He changed his hair...
      He flashes me a smile. "Are you ready? Eomma told me to come get you." His eyes roam over my body. "You look wonderful."
       I swallow the lump in my throat. "T-thanks. So do you." He does. More than wonderful.
      He holds out his arm and I take it cautiously. Nervous for some reason. It's just Jungkook. Why am I nervous? It's just my husband. God, I still feel weird calling him that. We feel like strangers, really.
      Walking down the stairs on his arm to see hundreds of guests milling around and smiling at us kick my nerves into overdrive. Mr. Jeon beckons us over to his group of men.
      "This is my son, Jungkook, and his husband, Seokjin. Jungkook is taking over the company for me as soon as he graduates this year." The man exclaims proudly.
      Smiling broadly, Jungkook shakes all the men's hands. My eyes catch on the one woman of the group. She smiles mildly at me. I snap out of it when Jungkook shakes her hand as well.
      "Good to see you again, Soyeon. It will be a pleasure to work with you again."
      I blink. He works with her? Since when? She chuckles. "Same, Jungkook. It was...definitely a pleasure. We must continue our partnership onto the future." Her eyes turn a little shrew as she smirks at me.
      Anger fills my chest. What the fuck does that mean? Was he meeting her on all his trips away? Is that why he's fine without my attentions or affections now?
      I clear my throat. "Soyeon, meet my lovely husband, Seokjin. I've talked about him many times." His soft musical voice pierces through my concern.
      "It's a pleasure, Seokjin." She hold her delicate hand out. I take it without comment. Why am I so mad? It's not like I want to be here, doing this. It's not like I asked to become Jungkook's possession.
      "We'll converse more later. I think it's time to eat." Mr. Jeon breaks up the tense atmosphere.
      I allow Jungkook to lead me into the dining room and we take our seats beside one another. Close to the front of the table. Jungkook makes a show of holding my hand at the table the entire night.
      I notice that Soyeon can not stop looking at us. Or rather, him. What is this? Am I jealous? No, that's not possible. I have to feel something to be jealous. I've barely spent one full day with Jungkook since our marriage in these last few months.
      Why is my chest hurting and eyes watering?
      I reach for a glass of champagne and drink it down. Eventually I get separated from Jungkook as he goes to have business investment talks.
     I find myself alone, drinking a little too much. I hate this. Wish I would have stayed at Hoseok's and endured his insufferable questions and abuse.
      "You're pretty but not up to his standards." A feminine voice suddenly says from beside me.
      Clenching my fist, I look over at Soyeon. God, I hate her name. "Excuse me?"
      Sighing, she snatches my champagne and takes a sip. "He needs someone more substantial. You'll never make it in this world. Do you know how many men and women beg from his affections? You've never once went with him on his trips, right? How can you go so long apart? Doesn't seem like a very healthy or vital marriage. You won't last. He needs more."
       I scoff, taking my glass back. "And you think you're what he needs?" I snort.
      She slides a hand down her pristine blazer. "I think so. I can give him everything. Business and personal. I'd be a much better asset than you. What can you really give him? Do you even give him anything?" She smirks. "I'd be careful if I were you."
      "Is that a threat?"
     "Merely a promise and a warning. You two seem stiff with each other. Clearly not meant to be. Arranged probably. You should just let him go. Give him to someone more deserving that will worship him."
     "You'd never have a chance." I say calmly. "He hates people like you. You'd never keep his interest." I explain honestly. It's true.
       She looks annoyed. "We'll see about that. Goodnight, Seokjin."
      I watch her go with a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach.
     "Are you ready?"
     I jump a little, not expecting Jungkook to appear out of nowhere. "God, you scared me."
      Chuckling, he takes my arm and together we walk up the stairs away from the party goers. "I'm tired." Yawning, he releases me in the hall. "Get some rest, Jin." He says, already walking away from me.
       I don't know how to feel as he disappears into his room, closing the door. Closing me out.
      Isn't this what I wanted? An uncomplicated and easy marriage? Why am I suddenly having doubts?