The One I Want

Not Quite Right

Jin

I decide to walk home.
I wanted to be alone. Completely alone. I could have called a cab but just the thought of anyone seeing me right now...no.
I grabbed my things, turned off my phone and just started walking. Is it really home now, though? It doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm heading towards a stranger's lavish life. Foreign. I don't belong there—never have.
I want everything to just go back. I wish I could go back to that very first meeting at the club and erase it all. A do over. I would have left early. I never would have drank. Or better yet—I never went at all. I never would have seen his face. Never would have met him. Never let him touch me.
I wonder what my life would be like right now if that had been the case. Would I still be teaching at his high old high school? Respected? Would he still have been my annoying problematic student that maybe I would have felt pride in knowing he'd grown so successful.
Or would he have taken a different path as well? Maybe he would have dated Taehyung in high school had he never became obsessed with owning me. Maybe they would have kids by now. The perfect family.
Is it because I'm too old? Too broken? Did he give up on me? I don't understand it. He sounded so happy on the phone before. Talking about how he wanted to spend more time with me and us to be together...why did he do this? Has he always done this? Did he have Soyeon, too, and I just didn't realize it? I've lost any security I'd let myself gain in this relationship.
I was only a game. That's all I ever was. Why would he go this far, though? Marrying me and claiming me and m-making me fall in love with him. Was it all just to see how fast he could break me to pieces? That would make more sense than all this...fake love. It was all fake on his end, hm. Nothing else.
Well...I refuse to give him the satisfaction of watching me crumble. No. Two can play at this game. He will not break me. I will not cry. I won't let my heart shatter. I'm tougher than that. I've endured a lot and can take anything else he throws at me.
I feel that me finding out about his infidelity was a mistake, though. At least this way. I don't think he's the one that even answered my call.
Actually...thinking about it now...I heard him. He was...calling my name. Why? Was it a joke?
I grip my head in my hands and wish to erase all my memories of this night. I honestly don't want to know. I don't want to care.
I stop at the gates to our house. His house. Squaring my shoulders, I continue forward and unlock the door. It's quiet and dark. Jungkook's parents are gone again and most staff do not stay overnight much anymore. They got used to me sending me home early.
I open the fridge and grab a water, chugging it down and wiping the sweat off my forehead. I wish I could wash my brain and the mental images of Taehyung taking what's time. Of his hands on my mate. His mouth on Jungkook's. I hate it.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!
Staring around, I take in the symbolism of this moment. In the dark and alone. Is that how he plans to leave me? Maybe it's best I can't seem to get pregnant. God, the regret I know I'd feel now knowing this.
No, things are better this way. I've never needed anyone before and I don't now. I don't need Jeon Jungkook. I don't need to have kids and I don't need to please anyone but myself.
I'm contracted. I'll stay and play perfect mate as planned from the beginning. I'm too prideful to walk out now. I'll just start a contingency plan for when he decides he wants out of this little game.
He can have Taehyung. If that's what he wants then I'll let it go. But I refuse to let go of myself. Not for anyone. No more.
Jeon Jungkook...I still love you. And I hate that.

The sound of bags dropping and the door slamming wake me. Peaking an eye open, I realize I fell asleep on the couch last night. I had sat down to think and ended up just passing out here in the living room.
Jungkook's scent permeates the air around me and I wrinkle my nose. It doesn't smell right. Sitting up, I yawn and follow his quickly retreating figure with my gaze. He's stumbling.
The sound of him throwing his guts up in the kitchen make my own stomach ache. Great. Sighing hard, I get up, crossing my arms, and lean against the doorframe, watching him with narrowed eyes. He looks...haggard. Truly awful.
My annoyance dies quickly, however, when he chokes—collapsing on the floor. I rush to his side and cup his face. He's pale and shivering. "Jungkook? W-what's wrong?!"
He can barely speak or open his eyes as he tries to lift a shaky hand to my face. His breathing is way too harsh. "J-Jin..."
I rummage for his phone and dial an ambulance. They arrive in minutes and we rush to the hospital. I hold his hand tightly the whole time, my own feelings put aside at this moment.
He's unconscious. What the hell happened?!
A lifetime later the doctor finally appears. He frowns down at his chartboard. "I apologize for the wait. Are you in relations to Mr. Jeon?"
I clear my throat. "I'm his husband."
Nodding, he studies the papers again. I'm getting annoyed. "Alright. Um, we've run some tests and it seems that Mr. Jeon has been heavily drugged. We've found several different concoctions in his system including alcohol. Mixing such substances can be deadly and are not to be played with."
I cover my mouth with my hand, knowing immediately who to blame. That fucking psycho Kim family! Damn it, Taehyung. "I-is he going to be okay?"
The doctor hesitates, licking his lips. "Well, it's too early to determine how these drugs will affect him long term but for now he's lucky to be alive. Far above the average considerable safe dose of ecstasy was found—not that I'd condone any usage—as well as a few others we haven't been able to place. A light drug used as tranquilizer was found also. That alone is deadly but mixed with alcohol? I don't know how he's survived."
Tears well up in my eyes. Tears of fear and hatred. I grasp Jungkook's hand and force back my emotions. Jungkook needs me. I won't say I'm okay with what I heard last night but it's more than obvious that my assumptions might have been wrong. I'll worry about it later.
"What do I need to do?"
"Well, we are going to keep him here for a couple days until he retains consciousness then go from there. You may stay if you like or come and go."
I narrow my eyes. "I'd like to take him home. We have more than enough money to hire private home care. I'd like a physician and nurse to look over him there as well as myself."
He looks surprised by my demands. "Uh, very well. He'll have to come back here for the testing but I'll send arrangements. I'm sorry to have disturbed you, Mr. Jeon." He bows and walks out.
I feel weird being called Mr. Jeon. It still doesn't feel right. Anyway, it looks like I'll be taking care of everything for the next while.
I'll also be dealing with that slut Kim Taehyung very soon.