The One I Want

Pressure

Jin

    Jungkook is being weird. Evasive. I don't like it. Since he's come back from his business trip, he's been avoiding me, I think.
      I'm not used to it. I figured as soon as he got back he'd return to his clingy childishly demanding possessive alpha ways but no. He's more grown, I can tell. Anyone could see the changes in him. Sure, people still hang all over him, falling to their knees to please him, but he doesn't react.
       Before you could tell he enjoyed it, being envied. Now he just seems annoyed and indifferent. Busy, I guess. I feel uncomfortable in the same room with him which actually hasn't happened much. Sometimes I wonder if he's forgotten I exist. Am I just another burden now?
      He did this himself and yet...does he regret making me his husband? I kept telling him he was too young to be so impulsive.
      After a shopping trip with Hoseok, I tiredly walk into the house to see Jungkook sitting at the dining table, a serious look on his face.
      I hesitate, setting my bags down. "Everything okay?" I ask, the teacher in me coming out.
      He looks up at me, his expression unchanging. "We need to talk."
     Why does my pulse jump in my throat? Is this is? Is he finally letting me go? I slowly sit down across from him. He looks as uncomfortable as me. "Okay...so talk."
       "I know our deal of marriage is...burdensome to you. I know you've agreed to allow me to mate you when the time is right and I've to have an heir." He notices me stiffen. "I'm not saying that's now. But there is an issue I want your opinion on." He explains.
      Letting out a breath, I nod. "Okay."
      He looks me directly in the eye. "My rut is coming up. I need someone to help me through it. As my husband, I thought it best to ask your suggestion. I know you don't want me but I didn't want to get someone else to assist me without your input or agreement but I'm not forcing you into anything."
      I blink, completely shocked by the maturity and logic he's showing me. I've actually wondered how his rut would go. I always figured he'd just drag me into a room and force me through it like he's done everything else. This change is lightening. Eye opening.
      I tap my fingers on the table, unsure what to say. Do I want someone else to assist him? Hell no. But why do I care so much? This marriage is a sham. We're just strangers that got intertwined in a weird impulsive way.
"Well?" He finally breaks the silence after a few minutes.
I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I'm nervous just thinking about it. Clearing my throat, I finally answer him. "I'm your husband. I'll do it."
His brow furrows in surprise making me kinda feel like crap. Am I that awful to him?
"Are you sure?"
I lower my gaze. "You helped me through mine." I whisper, reminding him.
"That was different." He sighs. "Well my rut is due any day now. Speak now or forever hold you peace."
I scoff at his words the the wide bunny smile he gives me. "Cheesy."
He shrugs. "But it's true. I won't have time to make arrangements later if you change you mind. I'm not pressuring you, Jin. Not at all. I'm giving you options as a mate is supposed to do."
I bite my lip. "We're not mates, though."
He nods. "No but maybe one day. I still like you, Jin. A lot. I haven't changed my mind or opinion of you. I'm still glad to be married to you."
I look away, feeling more uncomfortable. "Really?" My voice is barely audible and I hate how unsure I sound. Vulnerable.
I'm still trying to figure why his words make me happy. I don't love him. He's still a kid, a stranger to me. But I can't say my life is miserable or that I'm neglected.
I'm honestly living a dream life here with no real responsibilities besides keeping appearances for the family which I rarely do anyway. I have nothing to complain about.
"Yes really. I like that you don't fall over yourself to please me. You simply do what's asked of you. You aren't a gold digger, you haven't cheated on me once—which is more than I could say for anyone else around me. You respect me and my parents and yourself. You're beautiful and kind and mature. You're perfect." He whispers the last words making me choke up a little.
Why does he have to make me feel this way? I'm not equipped to deal with this new savvy mature alpha. I'm not prepared mentally nor physically for him at all. How do I fight this?
"I'll help you. J-just come to me." I announce, my cheeks flushing when he smiles that stupid smile at me.
"Alright." He glances behind me. "So you went shopping? Want to show me what you bought? I think it's time we actually spent some time together, don't you think?"
I smile teasingly at him. "I don't know. If I show you I might have to kill you."
Scoffing, he follows me out the stairs, helping me carry my bags. "Really? Got some lingerie in there or something?"
"No!"
"I bet you have some somewhere..."
"Jungkook!"