The Villainess Will Not Bring Dishonor To Her Family

123 - Your Actions and My Response

How many people can you say you trust with your life? It may just be an impression, but both Catarina and Helena seem to want to grasp their lives in their own hands. Helena doesn't think of the protection of the nobles, and Catarina does not trust her people to keep her safe.

Then, how many people know your secrets, or have seen you do something so shameful that it lingers with you, and still just want you to be happy, while you feel that you can trust them with that?

I think the number of people in each category shifts dramatically depending on the kind of world you grow up in.

In my former life, there was nothing but people you could entrust with your life, as their family name and honor depended on it. For an empire where you are supposed to know at least the name and achievements of the parents of someone you go to meet, things such as dishonor of an ancestor lingers for generations... and dishonorable people are kept at... a certain distance of everyone else. You're condemned to a hard life because an ancestor acted dishonorably. Thus, the lives of your children and descendants depend on you keeping your honor intact. Your own life meant less than that, so if you were entrusted with someone's life, then that life was worth more than your own.

However, because of this dedication to keeping your honor and reputation clean, dark secrets were more terrifying than an enemy... and the same is knowing someone else's. If you call them out, your path is clean. However, if you keep it and your lord finds out you covered for them... you can see where it goes from there. Weighing the lives of your children over that of someone else is something I believe to be natural, and as such letting people know your secrets and your shame could easily get not just you, but the people you told in trouble... and that is if they were friendly. Tell someone hostile, and you'll find your grave dug for you.

That said, these rules are not as strict in this world. The rules do exist and have an effect, so if it is found out that my unit were aware I was a lady all along, they'll probably be punished severely for letting me lead them, and for risking the life of a lady... for putting a damsel in distress so to speak... and usually so would Lionel.

As for me? Maybe a monastery for women at the least. After all, more than cross dressing, my actions could be interpreted as coercing a company of knights into abandoning their code of chivalry regarding damsels and falsely assumed command of troops. It is not a good fate, and for this reason they likely made Peony suffer in some way to prevent him spreading these news.

All in all, we have been fortunate that everyone accepted that I lead them, and have adjusted and accepted the risk. That is the reality of the current situation, and the choice I made when I accepted going in Eric's place.

I trust these men with my life... and though unwillingly, I trust them with the secret of my gender, my reincarnation and my sleeping and waking nightmares. That, however, is where I must draw a line. They are still my subordinates, and as such I have a responsibility to them to remain the hero 'Child of Scorog' to them. Asher too.

Asher is not a friend. He is a subordinate that dedicated himself to stand by the side of a hero. It is a role I must fulfill in return for his loyalty, and a role I am plenty willing to take and have taken before. It is the role I decided to take once in my former life, and a decision that ends up sticking with you. Old habits die hard.

—-*—-

During these years of my life as Lily, I have made many mistakes. Some from dealing with opponents I am unused to dealing with in such a restricted matter, and others from not understanding the finer details of the people around me.