OC reviews And Tips (Closed)

Review 3 // Dread Shadows

Wow, two requests in one day, damn. This character is from one of the biggest series at the moment and I'm lowkey obsessed with it, so let's see how this turns out.
Hyper_Instinct

I will be writing in bold.

Basics and grounding

Character information

Okay so, you have something to work with here for sure, but a fair bit of improvement is needed in my opinion.
-mha starts when Midoriya is fifteen and the members of the class are either 15 or 16, so he should be aged up a little to be in U.A
-'Dread Shadows' are engish words and my hero academia is set in Japan, of course you can have characters that aren't of a Japanese nationality, but even then this name isn't exactly great. It gives off Gary-Stu vibes so you best be careful. If you're interested, the Japanese translation of his name is Kyofu Kage. Or if his nationality isn't Japanese, perhaps change it to a more natural sounding name.
-My hero academia is probably one of the best universes to design a character since you have so much freedom with designing one. There can be much more to a character than their hair and skin tone. What's his eye colour? How tall is he? Does he have any mutations at all? Since they're common in the universe, giving him unique attributes could really add to the character.
-I highly recommend that you give your character hobbies, that way they seem more realistic and relatable to whoever is looking into your character. It makes them more fleshed out and like an actual person you would see in the universe. For example, Midoriya likes researching heros and Jiro plays instruments. It could be anything from drawing to dancing, but it'll help make them feel real.

Relationships

-Again, the names aren't realistic in most settings, even going to Google translate and translating the names to Japanese make them fit the environment a lot better. Or, once again, if they aren't Japanese, giving them natural sounding European names will help the characters fit in a lot better.
-It is unlikely to be friends with everyone in class 1A, especially with the likes of Bakugou and Todoroki giving most people the cold shoulder (pun intended) , there should at least be one person in the class that he doesn't click very well with.
-I actually like that they're paired with Jiro, you don't see many people shipping their characters with her and she's actually kinda underrated because she's an incredible character, so good job.
-The league of villains should at least be an enemy of theirs, since they're basically an enemy of the entire school.

Backstory
Okay dude, I'm not sure if you missed this bit by mistake or he doesn't have a backstory, but your character needs a backstory in order to fit into any kind of existing universe. If he does have a Backstory, I'll edit this and add it in, if he doesn't, then my main piece of criticism for you is make him a backstory to flesh out his character more.

Other

Okay, so here is something that I highly recommend to anybody who is writing a mha oc, do not make their quirk one for all. One for all is something that cannot be inherited and must be passed on from All Might himself, if All Might gives Dread the quirk instead of Midoriya, then the entire plot of the story has completely changed. One for all cannot be given more then once and we see All Might slowly drain after he's given Midoriya the quirk. Since coming up with quirks can be hard, here is a list of quirks I haven't seen before (or seen much of before) but are pretty good.
-Life force manipulation: can manipulate the life force of any living being, including energy manipulation (this one could be incredibly strong to the point of where it's over powered, so if you choose this one, go easy on it because we don't want your character to be a Gary-Stu)
-Bone manipulation: can manipulate their own bones to protrude out of their skin and use as sharp weapons.
-Hit conversion: with every hit they take, they only get stronger, but can be damage or killed in one foul swoop (inspired by yang from Rwby, so doing research on her semblance should help clear up any questions)

Stats

I'm going to give you the same advice I gave in my first review, one 5/5 at most because more than one can show that the character is overpowered. Having at least one lowish score (1-2) can show that the character isn't good at everything and also gives the character room to improve themselves.

Final thoughts
This character could potentially be an interesting character, but, without sugarcoating it, this character needs a lot of work. Whilst there are decent concepts, you need to flesh out a full backstory for the character and completely change his quirk, otherwise it just damages the entire plot of show. I'm completely fine with characters being in class 1A, hell, my own mha oc is in class 1A, but there's an entire plot point based around why she's there. If your character is in 1A, then they need to actually fit in there, they can't be in the same class as Midoriya with Midoriya's quirk, that would cause a lot of friction in the plot, so you need to work out how he would actually fit in with the class.

You need to mainly focus on making your character feel more realistic and natural for this universe, then you should be well on your way to making a character that is good for the structure of the story.

*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you of course do not have to listen to what I've said. This us all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*