REQUESTS ARE CLOSED
Designed a new character but want to know others thoughts on it? Want to get some tips on how to make a good character or to be pointed in the right direction? Well, you're in the right place! I'm here to check your guys' OCS an...
Ups! Gambar ini tidak mengikuti Pedoman Konten kami. Untuk melanjutkan publikasi, hapuslah gambar ini atau unggah gambar lain.
Warning: I don't always get along with this universe so my critiques might be harsher then usual.
Character information
Ups! Gambar ini tidak mengikuti Pedoman Konten kami. Untuk melanjutkan publikasi, hapuslah gambar ini atau unggah gambar lain.
Alright so like in all characters you gotta put detail. Her appearance and personality need more description. I always recommend a pretty large paragraph or two regarding the personality and you need to include body type, height, weight, face shape, all of that of you're using a written description for a character. Also be careful writing immortal beings they're often done poorly in this universe.
Creepypasta is built in fear and this doesn't seem scary to me so far, especially her personality.
Relationships
Ups! Gambar ini tidak mengikuti Pedoman Konten kami. Untuk melanjutkan publikasi, hapuslah gambar ini atau unggah gambar lain.
Dead parents are cliché and common in this universe, nearly every character I see has dead parents and its never done well. You need to show the effects and repercussions of having your character lose family members, especially their parents.
Apart from that you need to develop these relationships and show the development they have on her.
Backstory
Ups! Gambar ini tidak mengikuti Pedoman Konten kami. Untuk melanjutkan publikasi, hapuslah gambar ini atau unggah gambar lain.
Alright so this is a fine Backstory. Again, dead parents but I've spoken about this. Though this doesn't make much sense, why would the killer want this random girl to help her? Why would she agree? Why would they pair up? There needs to be some form of reasoning for the character's actions. Things can't happen just because yanno. Figure out a motive and reaosning for these actions.
Other
Ups! Gambar ini tidak mengikuti Pedoman Konten kami. Untuk melanjutkan publikasi, hapuslah gambar ini atau unggah gambar lain.
Ups! Gambar ini tidak mengikuti Pedoman Konten kami. Untuk melanjutkan publikasi, hapuslah gambar ini atau unggah gambar lain.
You need to explain and show some training for her to be able to do these things. You've also not mentioned her powers in her past or anything like that. You need to explain how she got them since there's no reference that her parents were anything but normal. You can't just throw something into a universe that's (meant to be) grounded in reality with no reasoning.
Stats
Ups! Gambar ini tidak mengikuti Pedoman Konten kami. Untuk melanjutkan publikasi, hapuslah gambar ini atau unggah gambar lain.
The stats are kinda balanced but I recommend a 2 or something to balance out all the 4s.
Final thoughts I think that you need to go over all of this and work through it. Add detail and description and work out reactions and reasonings. How a character acts is everything and there's not really an incentive here that shows how she does. So, work on developing her and she should improve a fair bit.
*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*
