Review 140 // Kairion Paxima

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Here is a review for Lolli_Core

My comments will be in bold

Basics and grounding

I feel like there should be someone that's been like 'hey we should probably work out the world' but apart from that this is fine in my eyes

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I feel like there should be someone that's been like 'hey we should probably work out the world' but apart from that this is fine in my eyes. 

Character information

Alright so this works pretty well but there's a bit which is much more fitting for his Backstory in his personality

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Alright so this works pretty well but there's a bit which is much more fitting for his Backstory in his personality. In his personality bit you've only given what feels like part of a description for his personality, so definitely work on that and find specific traits for him.

Relationships

These all work in the universe just be careful with adoptive parents and dead parents and all that jazz because characters get a bad rep for them

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These all work in the universe just be careful with adoptive parents and dead parents and all that jazz because characters get a bad rep for them. Apart from that these are fine just make sure that they effect and develop the character.

Backstory

Alright so this feel slightly all over the place

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Alright so this feel slightly all over the place. It makes sense at first and then suddenly he's sold. Work on the details of the bit between those and how it gets to that point and add more key events in his life. Overall just add more detail and flesh it out more.

Other

I guess you can say he's developed a larger lung capacity because saying he's used to breathing underwater doesn't really make sense

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I guess you can say he's developed a larger lung capacity because saying he's used to breathing underwater doesn't really make sense. Everything else is fine though.

Stats

Stats are reasonably balanced so there's no issues here

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Stats are reasonably balanced so there's no issues here.

Final thoughts
Overall, I think you just have to add more and flesh him out a bit so that things cooperate and make a bit more sense. He's a good start but a bit more detail could go a pretty long way. He's pretty good, he just could be better.

*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*

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