Review 172 // Shyra Arubino

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Here is a review for IMAYOURFAN

My comments will be in bold

Basics and grounding

Since you're building a completely new universe you have to establish a basic foundation, like what is the focus of the world? Then you can build it up from there, adding more complicated concepts and ideas instead of a couple of random concepts

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Since you're building a completely new universe you have to establish a basic foundation, like what is the focus of the world? Then you can build it up from there, adding more complicated concepts and ideas instead of a couple of random concepts.

Character information

Alright so there are some good concepts here but you need to develop them further, especially her appearance and personality

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Alright so there are some good concepts here but you need to develop them further, especially her appearance and personality. What's he body shape? Face shape? Weight? Exact height? (Average height for women is 5'3"/5'4) Also heart pupils don't really fit into the snake or human parts of her and they don't really make sense so maybe scrap that bit. As far as personality goes here there isn't much to work with here. I normally recommend a paragraph for

Relationships

This is fine but be sure to develop on them and make sure they help shape and mold the character beyond just being names

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This is fine but be sure to develop on them and make sure they help shape and mold the character beyond just being names.

Backstory

This could be a good concept for the story, but it isn't a whole Backstory

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This could be a good concept for the story, but it isn't a whole Backstory. I don't think people would bully her for heart shaped pupils because like most kids would probably find it cool. Aside from that, what was her childhood like? Her friendships? Her Relationship with her parents? The rest of her life before the events in the forest? You have to figure out more to her.

Other

Any powers in any universe need to have some kinda backlash in order for the power to be balanced so figure out some drawbacks to her powers

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Any powers in any universe need to have some kinda backlash in order for the power to be balanced so figure out some drawbacks to her powers.

Stats

Stats are balanced no issues here

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Stats are balanced no issues here.

Final thoughts
I think this character has some interesting concepts and ideas but you need to flesh out and develop her more so that she feels more realistic. Change a couple of things and add some stuff and she should be good.

*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*

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