REQUESTS ARE CLOSED
Designed a new character but want to know others thoughts on it? Want to get some tips on how to make a good character or to be pointed in the right direction? Well, you're in the right place! I'm here to check your guys' OCS an...
Basics and grounding This bit wasn't mentioned in the comments so I'm not entirely sure what universe this is for but I assume it's an original one. However, I don't know any context to the universe so this might be a bit trickier then usual.
Character information
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This is all pretty could though I have to say that rare eye colours to signify stuff is pretty common so if you have the chance maybe think of a series of markings or something to have a more unique spin on things but that's not much of an issue. I think you could be a bit more descriptive if her appearance and personality like what body type does she have? How does she act on her own?
Apart from that, this is all pretty good to be fair.
Relationships
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Develop these relationships further and make sure they affect her and help her grow. Make sure to but enough detail into each relationship tso that they feel natural and flowing since this is for a book.
Also be careful with dead parents, they're kinda cliché and not always done well so you gotta show the trauma.
Backstory
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Alright I've seen a lot of stories pretty similar to this so you have to add some more key points that are positive. This is an overwhelmingly negative Backstory and its hard to push forward if you have nothing. Also you haven't mentioned how her parents die or anything like that even though it was mentioned earlier. You also have to explain why these people with powers are discriminated against. Add more detail and events and this should be good.
Other
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That's a fair few powers, maybe have it so each Esper has one ability so we can avoid really op characters.
Stats
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I recommend lowering one of these stats so that there's a 1 to balance out the 5 but apart from that these are fine.
Final thoughts I think there's some good ideas here but they need to be worked upon and developed more with reasoning behind them.
*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*
