Multifandom!!! (Book 2) {CLOSED}

Never Went Away [2/4]

(Cue Music-Skip to 1:08)
I drive to the cemetery and walk until I approach my mother's tombstone. The cool, crisp, fall air burns my throat as the wind combs through my Y/H/T, Y/H/C hair and straight through my clothes. I shiver whilst rubbing the sides of my arms. I knelt down by her tombstone and rest my forehead on the cold, smooth surface. "I miss you so much, mama." I close my eyes and softly sobbed to myself.

"I realized that.. I never got better since middle school. If anything, I got worse. The rest of my friends are living their own lives and I don't want to disturb them. Dad's on trial. So I'm on my own. I'm eighteen years old, so I'm an adult. But I don't know anything about being an adult. I only act like I know everything and am mature, but I.. I don't want to be an adult. I want to rewind back to when I was a child and actually live my childhood with you."

The wind blows harder almost as if my mother was talking to me through the wind. "I'm sorry, Mom."

**

I stand with a lit blunt in one hand and a half drunk bottle of bourbon in the other as I stand on the balcony of my house. Taking a puff from my blunt, I find myself looking up at the starry night sky. I wonder if my mother is one of those stars.. looking down at her daughter getting drunk and high off her ass.Tears of shame stream down my cheeks. She's probably so disappointed by me. I'm a disappointment to everyone.

I shiver as the soft, cool wind caresses my bare arms, but I don't want to go back inside just yet. I've been behind those four walls for seventy-two hours, and haven't made any effort to leave. What's the point? Going to my mother's grave will only make me even more depressed. Going to school will only make me anxious because I see Jordan and Olivia will probably try to have me talk to Jordan again. Speaking of Olivia, she's been calling me everyday, and every time I've ignored her calls.

I don't want to see or talk to Jordan, not after the damage he's done. It's best if I'm just left alone. I have been since I was born. I take a swig of bourbon and another puff of my blunt before heading back inside. My vision started to blur when I move a little too fast for my mind to register. My vision got worse and I feel myself getting closer and closer to carpet. Before I knew it, I am on the floor and black wisps take me over completely.

**

A shaky breath leaves my lips as I press record on the phone. My arms grow shaky and bruised from the various cuts littering them. I wince as I sit on my bed and take another puff of my blunt. I blow out the air before saying, "I just wanted you guys to know that this isn't your fault. It's mine."

I take another puff of the blunt before continuing, "I thought that I was better since middle school, but um... I just got worse. I lied to you guys and I lied to myself. The worst part was that I truly thought that I was better. That I grew as a person. But the second that I am by myself, I realize that I was covering it up. I made myself believe that I was a better person, but I'm not."

I blow the air out once again and when I lift my hand to take another puff, soft sobs escape my lips. I'm killing myself by doing this, I know that I am. But the thing is, I don't really care about my life anymore. "I've been battling this all my life, and there was no way that you could stop it. But um.. I realized that I'm not helping anyone's situation, and I'll be doing is burdening them and I don't want that. So... the next time you see me, I won't be alive. And I've grown to accept this, so don't cry for me. I'm not worth your tears. But I just ask you one thing, that you bury me next to my mom. And um.. I'm sorry for not being able to tell you, I-" I clap a hand over my mouth to contain myself sobs. I press stop on the phone and I fall to the ground with shame.

(Third Person POV)
Olivia, Asher, Spencer and Jordan were all relaxing at Jordan's house when they all heard their phone chime at the same time. "Huh?" Asher says as he looks at his phone. "Oh no," Olivia says as she plays the video. "What? Why did she send us the same video?" Asher asks. "She's saying goodbye." Olivia says, tears escaping her eyes.

"So she's leaving?" Jordan asks. "No," she says as she gathers her things. "Olivia," Spencer says. "Olivia what's going on?" "Listen to what she's saying!" Olivia snaps. She rewinds the video to a certain time and the group was silent. "The next time you see me, I won't be alive." They hear Y/N's voice say. "She's going to kill herself?" Spencer says. Everyone exchanges a look and as if something clicked in her brain all at the same time. "Her mother's grave," they all say.

They all hop in their cars and speed to the cemetery where Y/N's mother was buried, only to find that she wants there. Her mother's grave had fresh flowers, so Y/N must have just left they all thought. Then came a call from Leila; Spencer answers the phone and everyone watches as his face sinks with concern. "Whoa, Whoa, calm down baby. Breathe." Spencer soothes. "I'm going to put you on a speaker, I'm with the others. Now tell them what you just told me." He adds.

"Y/N is on the bridge." Leila says with a shaky breath