Everything I Lost | Jensoo

Chapter 21

JENNIE

For almost four years now it was me and Ella.. I found myself into very tough situations but I rose from my ashes like the Phoenix.. I managed to find a job and at least be able to send Ella at her school and pay for a roof for our heads.. All these years I depended only to myself and to no one else.. Only for our food and that was because Mr Yanni insisted.. But now, now it was different.. I was finding myself being depended on Jisoo and that was killing me..

I know I am stubborn.. I am a big stubborn and very proud myself.. Jisoo is an angel.. She took good care of me when I was in that condition.. I felt safe being with her and living together wasn't strange. In the beginning it was but day after day I was getting use to having her around.. To move around her without having any problem.. Ella was like she was living here for ever and everything were going well.. Then we kissed and now we are together..

The time was coming for me to take my casts off and I knew what I had to do.. I couldn't stay with her anymore and that because we were together now.. So if I stayed with her it wouldn't mean only that I needed her help but we would live together as a couple.. I don't know if I was ready for that yet and I don't think that Jisoo was ready..

She caught me off guard though when we were at the fun park.. I didn't expect her to ask me to stay with her.. When I told her that we would stay at the motel she started telling me about how shit that place was.. I already knew that.. That wasn't something knew.. But the way she said that it just made me feel less than a mom to Ella.. Like I couldn't give her what she deserved.. If I had the tons of money I had this wouldn't be the case.. Ella and me we would live in my luxury apartment, she could have whatever she wanted and I wouldn't get worry about everything.. But I wasn't that rich anymore, and the only thing I could do for us was to rent that room..

"Jisoo, just drop it. Okay?"

"If you don't tell me why.."

"Because I want to be able to support Ella.. I want to be able to give her that.. Thank you for taking care of us all this time and I will be grateful to you forever but.. I just don't want.."

"You don't want to stay with me?"

Now she was thinking that I didn't want to stay with her.. That wasn't even the case.. Why we had to do this conversation here.. Aggrrr.. That was frustrating..

"No, it's not that.. Just.. Let it be Jisoo."

"Ella is happy here.. You don't have to worry for pimps and whores.. Why you are being so stubborn Jennie?"

I really didn't want to have this conversation here especially when I saw Ella coming to where we were.. Ella was a kid but she was a smart kid..

"The conversation is not over."

"Whatever."

Ella was in her happy place.. With so much candy she was already in candy world.. Jisoo and I weren't talking from the moment we got inside her car and it was a good thing that Ella didn't realise anything because then I would have to explain things that I couldn't.. I caught Jisoo though looking at me several times.. I never looked her back..

"I am sleepy.." Ella said while rubbing her blue eyes.. After the day she had she exhausted herself and now she wanted to sleep.. It was kind of late though.. It was already 8pm..

"Well we are almost here baby girl.. Then we will take our bath and sleep."

"Ok, mommy.."

That was all I said in our one hour drive back to Jisoo's apartment.. Jisoo didn't say anything.. I knew she wanted to but it wasn't the right place or right time..