Can't We Just Leave The Monster Alive?🗡️ - YeonKai

Chapter 13: Don't Ever Do That Again

A/N: Wow. Long title Author Min. gReAt JoB!

Huening Kai's POV

My wrist was burning like hell. The cuts from a few days ago were starting to give me the consequences and I can't say anything really. I chose to cut myself. Sorta…….we were practicing really hard for the award shows and Japan promotion especially. We had a lot to do. We started sleeping in the practice room and I even stayed up til like 5 for my solo dance and because I couldn't sleep anyway. We'd been practicing for a good 6 hours straight and I decided to get a break since I felt like I was gonna pass out. But it was also the fact that all that crossed my mind was the voice and the hissing pain. 

Hurts doesn't it? If you do it again, then it'll go away. 

How would that solve my problem?

Because the pain will feel good. It'll make your body get used to it so you can do it all you want. Come on. You brought the razor and expected not to use it? Bullshit. 

I hesitated for a few seconds but then grabbed the razor and walked out of the practice room to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and lifted my sleeve up. I held the razor over my wrist that was still recovering from the last cuts. But I didn't care. The voice wouldn't shut up and I needed to the pain to go away if I wanted to practice harder. I whimpered softly as I forced the razor onto my wrist to make another cut. This time, the blood didn't rush out but I could see my skin opening and blood showing. I cut myself again, going a bit harder than before making me groan in pain. But I didn't care at this point. I felt that same feeling as before and cut my wrist again out of an intense urge. I breathed heavily and took the razor away from my skin. It was enough for me. I quickly covered the cuts and ran back to the practice room to put the razor away. 

Time Skippppp

(Next day. They just got done with practicing and were told to take half the day off)

Third Person Pov

"Do you guys want to stop by a restaurant and order some food for dinner?". Yeonjun asked, as he drove back to the dorm. "That would be nice actually". Beomgyu replied. Everyone else agreed and Yeonjun drove to a restaurant to order a couple meals. After that, they arrived at the dorm, exhausted from days before and just wanting to sleep until dinner. Huening Kai ended up going to his bed while the others stayed out into the living room. The younger hugged his knees and looked down as he thought about a million different things. Suddenly, there was a knock. Huening Kai looked up to see Soobin walking towards him with a small smile. "Hey aga……...I just came in to talk to you". He said. Huening Kai didn't say anything and just looked away. "Kai……..you need to be able to open up to us…….we don't know anything that goes on in your mind or how it goes with you and camren….it's very worrying. You're starting to act weird". Soobin explained in a soothing tone. "I just…..don't know if I could…..I…..I feel like a…..a burden". The younger said as a few tears fell from his eyes. "Oh no no no aga". The older assured him before pulling him into a hug. "You've never been a burden Kai……..we want to help you…..don't ever think that you're a burden. The only burden we have is the pain that we feel when we see you like this". Huening Kai sniffled and then looked at Soobin with innocent eyes. "Come on…...let's go to the living room and talk with the others okay? Please just try". Huening Kai nodded and they both walked into the living room where his Hyungs were waiting. 

Huening Kai sat on the couch between Taehyun and Soobin. Beomgyu and Yeonjun were both on one knee facing the younger. "Huening Kai, we've been wanting to talk to you for a while but couldn't decide if we should but…...we all agree that we should because it's worrying us by the way you've been acting and why you could be doing". Beomgyu explained as he looked at Yeonjun nodding. "We just wanna ask……...what did you tell Camren that first day I waited for you? How have you been feeling about everything?". Yeonjun asked. He affectionately rubbed Huening Kai's thigh and they waited for some sort of answer. "I……...I…..I don't wanna talk about it…. it'll only worry you all….…". "Hyuka…….it only worries us more when you say that…….can you at least try to explain something? Please? We just want to help". Taehyun said as he held the younger's hand tightly. Huening Kai felt tears in his eyes. He didn't want to mention anything. He felt scared and small. "It's okay baby. You can tell us anything. We're your Hyungs and we're here to take care of you". Yeonjun comforted. Huening Kai sniffled and nodded. "I…. I've been h-hearing…..a v-voice…..it's always y-yelling at m-me and t-telling me to d-do bad t-things a-and…….I-I don't k-know how to m-make it s-stop!". Huening Kai burst into tears. "Hey hey, it's okay Hyuka. Come here". Beomgyu said as he pulled the younger into his lap for a hug. "What does it tell you?". He asked in a whispery tone. "It always says that there's something wrong with me……..that I should die or hurt myself". The younger answered. "Have you ever listened to it?". Beomgyu asked. Huening Kai hesitated to answer. He did. A lot. But he couldn't tell them that. "I... I'm not sure to be honest". He said before pulling away. He sat back onto the couch fiddling with his hands and avoiding eye contact. 

"Huening Kai?". "Y-yes?". Yeonjun hesitated to ask and squinted his eyes a bit from fear. "Hyung?". Huening Kai said quietly. "Have you ever thought of hurting yourself or done it?". The older asked. Huening Kai froze and he didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. "Um……". "Please don't lie". Soobin suddenly said. Huening Kai became nervous and started to breathe heavily. He felt pressured and judged. "Huening Kai? What's wrong?". Soobin asked with a concerned look. As they all looked at Huening Kai, they felt scared to know the truth. It was suspicious for him to act like that to that specific question. Yeonjun looked at Soobin unsure of what to say. "Hyuka. Roll up your sleeves please". Taehyun suddenly stated. "W-why?". Huening Kai asked. He clenched his fists as Taehyun tried to get a hold of his wrist. "Sweetie. Please just roll up your sleeves". Soobin grabbed a hold on the younger but he pushed him away. "I-its n-nothing!". He lied. "Huening Kai. If it's nothing, then let us see". Beomgyu said. Huening Kai shook his head as tears streamed down his face. "Baby. Let me see". Yeonjun demanded as he grabbed the younger's wrists somewhat gently. "D-don't! That h-hurts Hyungie!". Huening Kai warned before pulling his hands away. "Why does it hurt? That's not good Kai!". Beomgyu held Huening Kai as Yeonjun got a hold of his sleeves. "No! Don't! Please!". The younger begged. Yeonjun pulled Kai's sleeves down and then gasped. 

Everyone was silent and were quite shocked. Yeonjun stared at the cuts and then felt tears in his eyes form. "H-hyuka…...w-why?....... when?". He whispered, his voice cracking and his hands shaking. "I-I'm sorry…...it was the only way to shut up the voice…..it was the only way to stop the other pain". Yeonjun began to sob uncontrollably and let go of the younger's wrists. "Huening Kai! Why would you do that!?". Beomgyu yelled. It was as if you could hear his heart shatter. "Hyuka! No! How did this happen!?". Taehyun yelled. He covered his mouth in shock and cried silently. It was as if you could see how angry Taehyun was through his eyes. Not mad at Hyuka. But mad at himself for not being able to stop him. "Huening Kai! You can't do that! No! Just no!". Soobin cried out. Huening Kai shut his eyes and started to cry even more. He didn't want them to find out for this exact reason. "I-I'm sorry!". "Sorry doesn't cut it Huening Kai! How could you do that!? Do you know how much it hurts for us!? How bad for you that is!?". Yeonjun started to yell at the younger, making him flinch a bit. "Don't you ever do that again! It's not okay! It isn't right! That could end so badly Huening Kai! How do you think I feel when I see that you've hurt yourself and I haven't done anything about it!? We're trying so hard to be there for you! Instead you just lie and hide everything!". He scolded. "Why does it matter! It's my choice! You did the exact same thing!". Huening Kai argued. "This is different Huening Kai! You can't be cutting yourself just because you feel it's right or like it! You can't! You just…….". Yeonjun began to cry again and Huening Kai felt like the guiltiest person in the world to see him cry like that. Yeonjun reached out for the younger mumbling a few things. Huening Kai immediately got up and hugged the older tightly. "I'm sorry for yelling at you like that…….you just make me feel so many mixed emotions". Yeonjun whispered. Huening Kai nodded and only dug his face into Yeonjun's neck. "I won't do it again. I swear". He said. Everyone joined in and it was a group hug. Huening Kai cried uncontrollably into their arms yelling sorry over and over again, promising to never do it again. He sniffled and pulled away. Yeonjun kissed the younger's wrist and then kissed him on the lips. "Please trust us Hyuka. Don't let that voice rip us apart". Soobin whispered as he caressed the younger's head. "I trust you all………..I always have".