We Are Titanium

Where Things Take a Drastic Change

****Where Things Take A Drastic Change****

*Beca's P.O.V.* 

Can this be serious? Can I really still be in love with Jesse? After all of this time and all of the heartache he has caused? I guess I can't really focus on just the bad times. We did have more great times than bad. I mean sure we fought, but we would always make up and spend a lot of time making out afterward. Then after we got engaged, Jesse would stop doing whatever he was doing or he'd rush home from to take care of me without any complaints. And to be honest, I do miss him. His touch, his eyes, and frankly I just miss his prescence.

But what about Derek? I do love him. He's been great. He's sweet, fun, great with AJ, and he is pretty good looking. I don't want to just leave him. I can't. Can I? I don't know! I'm so confused! Ever since this f*cking wedding everything has been so cofusing. Dont' get me wrong, I'm happy Chloe is happy and getting married but I swear this thing is my curse! It's going to break me and Derek up. Well, Jesse is...the sex is...I am. I keep having sex with Jesse and I am going to end up tearing this relationship to pieces. If I tell him, he'll be crushed and it'll be over. If I don't and he finds out, he'll be crushed and it'll be over.

I've got to get some help. I have to talk to somebody. But I can't because it's not just my relationship on the line, it's also Jesse's. I guess I just have to go to someone we both trust. Without another thought about it, I grabbed Chloe, yanking her away from her conversation with Amy and Aubrey. I dragged her into her room and locked the door. "Woah, Bec. I'm flattered sweety, but it was just a kiss and I'm already taken." Chloe joked about her current predicament. I turned to look at her and her expression immediately changed. "Oh my God! Beca it's okay sweety." she said as she caught me when I fell into her arms, crying. She slowly lowered to the ground and held me as I sobbed. She stroked and kissed my head as she sat there, letting me cry it out.

Thank God my best friend is a perky, fun loving, acapella singing, ginger. I don't what would I do without this girl. Probably die.

****

"Better?" Chloe asked when I finally calmed down. I nodded but didn't move from my position in her arms. "Are you ready to tell me what that was about? I nodded again but still didn't move. "Will you? Like now?" I slowly pulled away and sat Indian style in front of her. I looked at me and she gave me a look telling me to explain. I looked away and glanced anywhere but at her as I spoke.

"I......IhadsexwithJesse." her jaw dropped and she forced me to look at her. "Are you serious? How many times?  When? Where?  Why?"

"Yes. Three times last night, twice this morning. His room and the shower. And I don't know." I answered all of her questions. "What does this mean? What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know, that's wy I came to you. You always have advice for this type of stuff." she just looked me and I could tell she was trying to think of a solution. "I've got nothing." she finally said. I sighed and slumped back onto the floor, covering my face with my hands. "I'm sorry, Bec, but I know you don't want your relationship with him to end and the only suggestions I have can result in that."

"It's okay, Chloe. It's not your fault, it's mine. I knew I shouldn't have had sex with him but I just couldn't help myself. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Maybe you still love him."

"Maybe, which just makes this harder." it was quiet for a moment. "I have to tell Derek, I know, but I don't know how. I don't want to just come out and say it. It'll ruin him."

"Figuring that out will take longer. If you don't tell him soon, it'll ruin him more." I knew she was right and I groaned. I hate this. "Going back to our earlier conversation, how was it?" I slowly lifted my head and raised my eyebrow at her. "What? I'm just curious. Look at him!" I rolled my eyes and sighed. "It was amazing." she answered herself, a smirk planted on her face. "I didn't say that."